That damn "abuse" accusation

I've been involved in bdsm online for almost 9 years now. I run mailing lists and a very large web site. I have changed as a slave over time. I have made many mistakes that are quite common for people when they first get involved in bdsm. Its kind of odd considering that I already incorporated pain play into my sex life and always had. The earliest fantasies I remember included things like bondage and spanking. I had some terminology and some idea of what was included in bdsm beyond the play activities, but I had far from enough knowledge to know about the many variants that are found in the bdsm lifestyle. One of the mistakes I made, and it is a common mistake for novice submissives, is I tried to model my personal bdsm relationship after what someone else considered to the "right". Of course it did not work. Eventually I realized that bdsm is a highly personalized thing, that each relationship is different and must be adjusted/created to best fit the people involved rather than to match up with someone else's idea of what is correct bdsm and what isn't, or what makes a good submissive and what doesn't.

Today, yet again, I came accross the belief that anyone who does not use a safeword is unsafe and any dominant who prefers to not use a safeword is abusive and any sub or slave who goes along with a dominant's preference to not use a safeword is an abuse victim, not a submissive or slave. This viewpoint bothers me because it is not true. I will have to write more tomorrow. I am falling asleep.

Lots Of Work

I did a lot of work today in the laundry room. I completely cleaned it out, getting rid of a lot of stuff that no one uses, wants or even remembers being there. I had to do it though because there was no room for the vacuum and the steam cleaner. It looks very very good now!

Master made me feel really good today. He told me that I have been extremely pleasing to him lately. He says that I have done a really good job keeping up with my tasks, and doing what he asks me to do, and even doing things he didn't ask me to do but that I knew would make him happy. It was really really nice to hear these compliments from him.

OK. this needs to be a short entry tonight because I am tired, in pain and its late.

YAY! Back on my feet

I've had a rough week with my back, but its finally calmed down so here I am again. This will be a first, 2 posts within 2 weeks. WOW! Most of the time I have no clue what to say. People seem to think that living a 24/7 power exchange relationship is exciting every day, but it isn't. Its like any other long term relationship, things become "normal", they become "just what we do" and often we don't even think about why we do them that way anymore. We just do. This doesn't mean we are bored with each other or anything, because we're not. It does mean that the spark that exists in a new relationship has gone away, which happens in every relationship.

People ask me if I still get in trouble. Yes I do, from time to time. I got in trouble last Saturday as a matter of fact. Master had ordered me to not do anything, to stay off my feet. I was up early last Sat. with my son, and having not slept Friday night I was very tired. So I started doing stuff to keep myself awake. Nothing major like moving furniture, but I wasn't staying off my feet. My back wasn't as bad as it had been the day before, and I didn't even think about what he had ordered me to do. He caught me ironing a binding on a latch hook that one of the girls had done and wanted finished as a pillow. As soon as I saw the look on his face, I knew I was in trouble. Then I remembered I wasn't supposed to be doing anything. This is one of the two ways that I most often get in trouble, forgetting something because my mind is too focused on something else, or opening my mouth and talking without thinking first. I am glad that it is not often that I get in trouble. Knowing I have done something wrong, let him down, makes me feel very very bad. It is the worst part about being in trouble. It is the part that makes it possible for a corporal punishment to be a punishment despite the fact that I usualy enjoy pain when we play. The mindset is very diferent between a punishment scene and a play one.

This past week has been rather boring because I did have to spend most of it off my feet and I really hate doing that. It makes me irritable and upset, and half the time I am not even sure why. Mostly its because I feel useless just sitting on my duff and doing nothing. I really hate having to give in to my back, it always strikes me as unfair. But Master takes my back very seriously. Thankfully he has also reached a point where he balances it better so that I don't feel like I am being treated like glass. There are many things that I can still do, but there are also things I can't do and finding the balance between the two is often an ongoing process.

Master is currently asleep, so I've taken the opportunity to catch up on my email. Finally got that done. I've done a great deal on the web site, and am just waiting for the pictures I need to finish the band site, and start really getting that done.

Well that's about all I can think of to write.