That damn "abuse" accusation

I've been involved in bdsm online for almost 9 years now. I run mailing lists and a very large web site. I have changed as a slave over time. I have made many mistakes that are quite common for people when they first get involved in bdsm. Its kind of odd considering that I already incorporated pain play into my sex life and always had. The earliest fantasies I remember included things like bondage and spanking. I had some terminology and some idea of what was included in bdsm beyond the play activities, but I had far from enough knowledge to know about the many variants that are found in the bdsm lifestyle. One of the mistakes I made, and it is a common mistake for novice submissives, is I tried to model my personal bdsm relationship after what someone else considered to the "right". Of course it did not work. Eventually I realized that bdsm is a highly personalized thing, that each relationship is different and must be adjusted/created to best fit the people involved rather than to match up with someone else's idea of what is correct bdsm and what isn't, or what makes a good submissive and what doesn't.

Today, yet again, I came accross the belief that anyone who does not use a safeword is unsafe and any dominant who prefers to not use a safeword is abusive and any sub or slave who goes along with a dominant's preference to not use a safeword is an abuse victim, not a submissive or slave. This viewpoint bothers me because it is not true. I will have to write more tomorrow. I am falling asleep.