Power Exchange In The New Year & Give and Take in a Power Exchange

Master and I did some talking about our relationship and where we would like it to go in the next year. He mentioned wanting some kind of ritual in place and more frequent play as he really misses it (so do I for that matter). He is still considering what rituals he would like to put in place. He has started sending me emails on a daily basis with a task or two that he wants me to do in the email. I enjoy getting those daily emails from him as I have missed having specific tasks to do. I know what he expects on a daily basis, how he wants things done around the house and all of that, but it is still nice to get a specific task ordered. Sending those emails can be considered a ritual of sorts and it seems to be something he likes to do as well.

I was talking with a friend of mine the other day about how relationships change over time, even bdsm based relationships. She was telling me how in the early years of a relationship it is not unsual for the s-type to want to do all the household chores them selves, but as time goes on that may change. For me, I have wanted to do all the household chores myself because I do not work and master does, so I felt that taking care of the house is my job. Sadly due to my physical limitations, it is not always possible for me to do all the household chores. I'm not supposed to move furniture around for example, so when it is time to vacuum under the couch either master or someone else has to move the couch for me. Because of this I had to adjust my preferences to meet my reality early on. This was not easy for me to do and even now I have days where I feel that I am not pulling my weight. Those days always coincide with increased pain that results in decreased mobility. Master is very understanding of my feelings in this area (and most other areas as well).

Anyway as my friend and I were talking the idea of a family as a "team" came up. The point was made that even in a family where the parents have a power exchange based relationship, they are still a team and as such, each party can and should pitch in when needed. I have to agree with this statement. Service based s-type or not, master and I are married and we have children. We are also human. Because of those things there are times where we have to step up and pitch in regardless of the power disparity between us. I do not see this as detracting from my submission or his dominance. I see this as simply the day to day give and take that must occur in any long term relationship if it is to survive.

Separating out power, clarifying who is responsible for what duties, and setting limits on the relationship/behaviors/etc are all part and parcel of a bdsm relationship. But any relationship has to be fluid, there has to be give and take. This also applies in a bdsm relationship. Even with the clearly defined roles and responsibilities of a bdsm relationship, there has to be leeway for the very basic human nature of the people involved.

To me, who does the dishes after dinner does not reflect upon who has more power in the relationship. I think it reflects more upon how master and I care for and love each other that we are both willing to do things that are not typically part of our "role" for the benefit of our family and our relationship as a whole. I think this fluidness is often overlooked when people discuss bdsm parameters with a prospective partner, specially with novices. Many people seem to see the division of power as a way to clearly define who does what in the relationship and that those delineations should erase any need for compromise; so long as the s-type does their part and the d-type does their part then everything will be fine. Sadly no human relationship can be that easily defined all the time. Situations, emotions, needs, wants, desires and abilities all change over time. If the people involved are not willing to change when necessary to meet the needs of those changes when they occur, then I believe the relationship will have great difficulty.

I have decided to write my tasks down in my blog, hopefully on a daily basis. I miss writing in my journal so I am going to try to blog every day, though if something really personal arises that I do not feel comfortable putting on the internet it will go in my paper journal not online. I'm hoping that by doing this I will once again pick up my writing and start working on the many essays I have outlined in my notebooks. I am also hoping that this will help me start working again on my web site as I have fallen woefully behind on it.

Today's tasks:
Laundry
Grocery List
Balance Checkbook
Pay End of Month Bills/Budget
Clean Bedroom
Go to the doctor for follow up appointment
Shower and shave
Stitch for at least 1 hour
Work on writings

Master/slave relationships and the myths around them

beca the slave said...
Great blog! i just started mine, would love to know what you think: http://becasstory.blogspot.com/
Thanks!
beca

I went to beca's blog and read it. She is also a slave in a master/slave relationship. Her blog is similar to mine in so much as she hopes it will help others understand m/s relationships. Thank you beca for sharing your blog with me, I greatly enjoyed it!! I pasted your comment into this post so that others will see your blog as well. I think its a great way to help people understand a master/slave relationship.

In reading beca's blog, I read the comments she has received. One of them included questions that are common myths that people are told and believe about slaves. Which got me to thinking about the article I wrote two weeks ago about such myths. So I decided it would be a good idea to post my articles in my blog, not just on the site. This way, those who read the blog, will see them. Specialy since I know that not everyone wants to be surfing through such a large web site. So here is that article.

Common Myths About BDSM Slaves and Slavery
Author: Raven Shadowborne © June 2005

This article is copyrighted to the stated author(s) and can not be reproduced, copied, reprinted, or posted without the consent of the author. It is used here with permission of the author..

Myths are often created by people who have one or two facts, or part of a fact, and then fill in the blanks themselves. Or myths are created as a source of amusement and entertainment by an author or reader. Myths can also be created simply by how a story changes when it is passed along verbally, as anyone who has ever played “post office” can attest to. Myths can also be created when one instance or experience becomes verbally generalized to make it apply to everyone.

Myths about bdsm are just as prevalent. The most common reason for a myth to form about bdsm is a lack of experience or knowledge on a specific topic. Rather than learning more before educating others, some people assume they know more than they do and inadvertently create a myth to fit or expand their knowledge. Others create myths to deter people from engaging in a bdsm activity that they find objectionable.

Many myths exist about slaves. Some of these myths are created due to fear, lack of knowledge or understanding, and in some cases as a deliberate choice to not learn the truth about slaves. People pass these myths along to others as factual information and perpetuate the cycle of intolerance and ignorance that surrounds slaves and slavery. This creates more myths, misunderstandings and miscommunications as time goes on.

The most common myths about slaves, in master/slave based bdsm relationships, which I have heard, are included in this article and followed by the truth (as I understand it) behind each myth. These truths are based on my experiences as a slave, and on many discussions I have held with other slaves in order to learn more.

Myth 1: Slaves are doormats who obey everyone and blindly become whatever their owner tells them they are because they have no sense of self and no thoughts of their own.

Truth: Doormat is a term often used to deride slaves. It means that a slave lets himself or herself be walked on and they have no thoughts or opinions of their own. For the majority of slaves, this is not true. Slaves have just as many thoughts and opinions as other people do. Owners take pride in having a slave who has well thought out opinions and who is capable of thinking for them selves. They can provide the owner with much needed input that the owner can use to make informed decisions and choices for both the slave and the relationship. Also, slaves who can think for them selves are more capable of handling responsibilities the owner gives them without needing constant supervision and they provide intelligent and challenging conversations with the owner. Many master / slave relationships have rules that govern how and when a slave can tell their owner of their thoughts, feelings and opinions. Despite the variations in this area, every relationship requires such input from the slave. Owners often value a slave who thinks for themselves and find such a slave to be more pleasing.Obedience is a requirement for a slave and is pleasing to an owner. However it is not true that a slave will obey anyone that comes along. Slaves must obey the rules and expectations of their owner to the best of their abilities. Sometimes this means submitting to and obeying another, but such is always done by order of the owner and not every owner will share their slave this way.
Being a slave does not erase individuality. Instead, it enhances it. Often slaves who are unowned must hide or exert a lot of control over their submissive and service based nature. Society does not approve of people who are submissive or people who are happiest when they serve another before themselves. The very nature of a master / slave relationship allows a slave the freedom to express every part of their personality and hide nothing. It encourages the slave to grow as both an individual and a slave. Every slave is different; with different likes, dislikes, wants, needs etc. A slave must have a good working knowledge of who they are and what their wants, needs, expectations etc. are. It is impossible for a person who does not know who and what they are to give those things over to the control of another because you can not give away what you do not have or know. A slave and their owner use this self awareness to help the slave grow and to make changes in the slave’s behavior and mental state. Often these changes are discussed before the slave submits by the prospective owner telling the slave their expectations of the slave (including behaviors they want and those they do not want). This allows the slave to decide if this is how they want to be, the relationship they want to be in, and gives them a chance to consent. These changes are beneficial to the slave, helping them to be more of the person they want to be and to be more pleasing to their owner. Master / slave relationships require the same kinds of compatibility as vanilla relationships with the addition of bdsm compatibility. In order to achieve this, the slave must know themselves well and have a strong belief in them selves.

Myth 2: Slaves are actually abuse victims who take any and every thing their owner dishes out.

Truth: It is true that abuse exists. It is also true that abuse exists in bdsm. Further it is true that many slaves have been abuse victims at some point in their lives. It is NOT true however, that all slaves in master / slave relationships are current victims of abuse. There are many differences between an abusive relationship and an m/s one. As well as differences between a slave and a victim of abuse. The most important difference between a victim and a slave is CONSENT. In an abusive relationship, the victim is not informed beforehand that their partner is going to abuse them. They do not discuss what kinds of abuse will be used or anything else along those lines. Therefore the victim gives no consent to the actions of the abuser. For slaves there are discussions of what will be expected, what kinds (if any) of b/d or s/m activities might or will take place, what the rules will be, how the owner will enforce these rules and so much more. All of these discussions are designed to give the slave the information they need to make an informed choice to consent or not consent. These discussions are also intended to prevent abuse through consent, determining compatibility, determining goals, informing each participant of any issues that could effect the relationship and more. The whole point is to learn if a relationship between those specific people will be a healthy and fulfilling one for them.
It is true that once a collar is accepted a slave is then expected to accept whatever the owner chooses to do. However, this is directly impacted by the numerous discussions before the collar and the continued communication that takes place after the collar. In a dominant/submissive relationship, the submissive is allowed (and expected) to set limits on what the dominant can or can’t do. This is not true for most slaves. However, it is expected for the slave to inform their owner of any condition or situation that effects how they will receive and respond to the owner’s actions. But the final decision of what actions to take or not to take, is up to the owner. A slave should be sure they fully understand and can accept what the owner will (or might) do, and what the owner is capable of BEFORE a collar is placed. Any limits are set by the owner, so it is imperative that a slave submit to an owner whose limits closely (or exactly) match their own. In this way, the owner’s limits extend to the slave and the slave does not have to set the limits themselves (yes it is a tiny distinction, but an important one). Some m/s relationships use contracts to spell out what is expected by each person, what is or is not accepted and more. These contracts often include guidelines for the slave to follow if they want release or if the owner starts to do unsafe things. Some areas can be compromised on, if the owner is willing to do so. (Some owners are not willing to compromise.) Things like clothing choices, toy preferences, types of play that need to be worked up to/introduced slowly and similar things can be compromised on. Other things such as sexual preferences, monogamy, polygamy and anything else that is a true NEED for the person, should not be compromised on as doing so usually leads to a bad ending.

Myth 3: Slaves can not take care of themselves and want an owner because they believe having one will solve all of their problems and the owner will take care of everything for them.

Truth: Unfortunately I can not say that this is completely false because there are people out there who are exactly this way and believe having an owner will fix everything. I can say that this is most commonly seen in people who are very new to bdsm, with little or no experience and is not found in just m/s relationships but in d/s ones as well. It is also known in purely vanilla relationships as the Knight In Shining Armor Syndrome. It is also true that people who are like this are the minority, not the majority. The truth of the matter is, this just does not work and is untrue for the vast majority of slaves as an m/s relationship is not a co-dependent one..Slaves must be capable people. First and foremost they must be able to take care of themselves. A person cannot take care of someone else unless they can care for themselves first. Many slaves have a lot of responsibilities. Some are required to do budgets, take care of the house, and/or assist their owners with a small business. Some have less complicated responsibilities, but regardless of what the specific responsibilities are the basic fact remains the same. The slave is expected and required to fulfill those responsibilities to their owner’s satisfaction. In some cases, slaves are required to take classes and learn how to do something their owner wants them to do. The slave’s goal is to please their owner. To be able to meet that goal, a slave has to be able to take care of themselves to ensure they will be able to take care of their owner and their responsibilities.An m/s relationship does make some things easier. For example, the division of power is very clear resulting in fewer power struggles (with a preference that there are none at all). This is easier than a vanilla relationship where power struggles are more frequent over such things as “Whose money is it?”, “who takes out the trash?” and other subjects that are clouded by the expectation of full equality. Having an owner does fix some things such as the desire to serve. An owner gives the slave someone to serve, thus satisfying this need and “fixing” any confusion or need to suppress it. However, other issues such as low self esteem, depression and similar issues, cannot be fixed by an m/s relationship and in many cases an m/s relationship will worsen those issues. Being owned is not a solution to life’s problems and issues. It is a relationship and thus adds issues of its own to whatever issues already exist in a person’s life.

Myth 4: Slaves are stupid and incapable of identifying their own wants/needs

Truth: It cannot be said that all slaves have a superior intellect, nor can it be said (truthfully) that all slaves are stupid. Logically speaking since both kinds of human intelligence exist, the same variations are found in slaves. However, less intelligent slaves have been rare in my experiences. I have seen slaves pretending to be stupid due to some mistaken belief that it makes them a better slave. This is not true. Often, these are people who are new to bdsm and master/slave with little experience. Slaves must be intelligent because they are often relied upon to handle many of life’s day-to-day aspects and to do so without constant supervision and directions. This requires problem-solving skills and extensive knowledge of how their owner prefers things to be. Slaves also need strong observation skills so they can learn what pleases their owner without them having to explain every tiny detail. Slaves are expected to learn quickly and to put their knowledge into practice on a consistent basis. Intelligence is required for these things and more. A slave’s intelligence coupled with their strengths, individuality and self-reliance direct effects their ability to identify their own wants and needs and to separate them properly. Speaking on an basic level, people only need those things that sustain life (food, clothing, shelter and intellectual stimulation), and everything else is a want. A slave must be able to tell the difference between things they truly need and things they want. This can be very hard to do, but with practice can be done. Someone with little intelligence, minimal self-awareness, and a lack of mental or emotional strength has a very hard time differentiating between the two. A slave who sees everything as an urgent need quickly frustrates their owner. This puts the slave’s focus on them selves over their owner and m/s will not work that way. Slaves are expected to inform their owner when a need arises and many also like to be aware of a slave’s wants as well. Most owners want to meet their slave’s needs because they know that needs must be met in order to kept he slave at their best. Many will try to meet a slave’s wants as well, often as a reward or because they love the slave or any other number of reasons. Owners are not mind readers, so it is up to the slave to be able to recognize wants vs. needs and inform their owner.

Myth 5: Slaves are weak.

Truth: Weak human beings exist, so I am sure there are weak slaves somewhere. (Weak is being used here to mean mental/emotional weakness, not physical strength) However, such weakness is the exception rather than the norm for slaves. Slaves are strong individuals and have to be so for many reasons:

1. They must overcome society’s (and probably their upbringing) ideas of a “good relationship”
2. They must have insight into and a good working knowledge of them selves. Weak people are unable to have these as they lack the strength to take such a deep look at themselves and usually have low self esteem and a skewed self-image
3. Slaves have to reveal all of the knowledge this insight gives them to their owners. It takes a great deal of courage and mental fortitude to share these inner things with another.
4. They have to have the self-control needed to live up to their end of the bargain as a slave. This takes strength, especially when they aren’t in the mood or don’t like a task given them. At these times they must rely upon their strength to complete these tasks and to behave in the manner they agreed to upon submitting to their owner.
5. Giving complete control of one’s self to another is scary and very difficult to do. Our culture does not teach people how to do this and it is not easy to do. Doing this places the slave in a very vulnerable position (physically, mentally and emotionally vulnerable). It takes strength to give this control and to maintain submission.
6. Slaves have to maintain all they currently are, and continue to grow as a slave, partner, lover, friend and every other role/title used to describe a person. Someone who is mentally or emotionally weak, can not grow because they lack the strength needed to identify areas that can be improved and to learn from their experiences.

All of these things take courage, strength and commitment to accomplish. A weak person would not be successful with this over time. Slaves do have weaknesses or bad habits, they have moments of fears, confusions, doubts etc., and they get tired, same as all people do. Slaves have these moments because they are people not because they are slaves. It is very common for others to blame slavery as the cause for those moments or times in a person’s life, when the true culprit is life itself and the fact that we’re human beings. The inner strength of a slave shows best during these times because it is that inner strength that makes it possible for them to continue being a slave during those down times.
Myth 6: Slaves are all the same and have (or are not allowed) no interests outside of their owner.
Truth: This myth is one that is often used to put down slaves. They are called robots, Stepford slaves or cookie cutter slaves. Despite the many similarities between slaves, once you get beyond these surface similarities differences become apparent. Slaves are human beings and as such there are just as many variations in personality, interests, behaviors, etc. in a group of slaves as there are in other group of people. On top of these human variations, slaves vary in bdsm areas as well. For example: The desire to please others is a similarity between slaves. However, the intensity, reason behind it, and expression of this desire differs from one slave to another. The same can be said for most, if not all, of the personality traits found in slaves. It is these variations that make each slave different. They also make which relationship type and owner that works for them, different. If slaves were all the same, there would be no need for compatibility discussions or any of the other things that are done before a commitment is made. Any slave would do for any owner. It is these very differences that make a slave right for one owner and wrong for another, and make growth possible. As for interests outside of one’s owner’s interests (such as hobbies, studies, friends etc.) every slave has them. Again, this is because slaves are people, not just slaves, so they have the same variety of interests as any group of people does. Most experienced owners encourage their slaves to continue with their interests and hobbies. For the owner, these things were most likely part of the attraction they have for that particular slave. Most owners want their slaves to be all of who they are and to enjoy their lives and they know that to do these things, the slave must have interests and such outside of slavery and bdsm so the owner encourages those interests and activities. If however, a slave’s interests or hobbies (and even friends) are detrimental to the slave, the owner might choose to make the slave stop or at the very least cut back on them. It is also not uncommon for a slave and their owner to learn more about any hobby or interest that they do not have in common so as to grow closer together. Also, people sometimes just need a break (especially during periods of stress) and a hobby can provide stress relief and the very break the person needs. Experienced owners know this as well and allow (even encourage) their slave to take such breaks.
These are the most common myths about slaves and slavery that I have seen or heard in my experiences so far. As one can see, these myths are often based on misunderstanding and/or a lack of knowledge or experience. These myths can cause a lot of harm sometimes if people believe them and then base their behavior in their relationship on them. These myths have often been used to insult, belittle or otherwise hurt a slave (even to a point of causing mental/emotional harm). Most often I have this done by people who are not slaves yet are somehow insecure or otherwise bothered by slaves, so they put them down. A master/slave relationship, when entered into with full knowledge before hand, can be a very healthy and happy relationship for those involved.
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I do hope that this particular essay helps those who read this blog to understand some of the realities of a master/slave relationship, and that it helps shed light on the many myths and misunderstandings that exist about these relationships.

Running From Dennis The Menacing Hurricane

Master decided we were going to evacuate once our county said people should evacuate. After having the tornado in the backyard with Ivan last year, I was more than willing to evacuate since this storm was supposed to be a category 4 (with a possibility of being cat. 5) when it made landfall. We went to a part of Florida that is inland by at least 100 miles from either the atlantic ocean or the gulf of mexico. After we arrived, Master Fire-Soul told people in LnR where we were and that we were okay. But it turned out we couldn't call out from the hotel room phone, which was quite annoying. So I told Master Fire-Soul he could give people the number to the hotel so they could call us themselves and we can let them know we are okay.

It turned out that two people we know from online Master Rare`Vos and his slave zjari live in the town we were staying in! We got a call from them and agreed to meet for lunch. We had a great time! They are both such wonderful people, have great senses of humor and are very friendly. zjari was a blast! She has that verbal bantering sense of humor, similar to mine, only she is much better at it! Lunch was great! After lunch they came back to our hotel room and we sat and talked. Turns out we have a lot in common regarding our views of bdsm, gor and master/slave relationships, including what methods we believe work best for teaching someone who is new to bdsm about the lifestyle. I really really enjoyed meeting them and spending time wiht them. I hope we can do that again soon!

I had an interesting experience on the car ride. I know I have written about my troubles with writing and how I was using a tape recorder to record my thoughts so I wouldn't lose them when I sat down to put the thoughts on paper. Well, in the car, I was cross stitching and my mind tossed at me an article in rough draft form. I tried to just ignore it becasue I really need to finish this peice I'm working on, but my mind kept nagging me until finally I realized how I was feeling. I was excited, feeling creative, and really really WANTING to write! So I pulled out a pen and a notebook. I had brought my notebooks and some outlines that I have written for articles in the last 5 years, but neve rmanaged to actually write because I lost the thoughts I had about them. I was hoping that I could work on some of them while sitting in the hotel room for 3 days. Anyway, instead of working on an old article, I ended up producing an entirely new one. In just 30 minutes I had, on paper, a really good rough draft of an article about Gorean Natural Order. The best part??? I did not lose a SINGLE word, not a single thought...nothing! The entire article got written down, just as it showed up in my head and I missed nothing! It felt so good to write the way I used to again. It felt so RIGHT. so ME. I need that, and I can't believe how completely I had smothered that need in fear. I will do the re-write on the article then post it to LnR. I am also going to submit to the ezines I used to write for, see if they want it. Can't hurt to get out there and do it I don't think.

I am beginning to feel more confident in myself and my writing. More confident that I will heal this area of myself as well. Master was sooooooooooooooooo right to make me write an article a week or face punishment. At first I was terrified because I believed I could not write anymore and thus I would disappoint him. The idea of letting him down scared me more than writing. Which, I think he was counting on to be honest. Well, whatever his thoughts were they were correct. I swear, he knows me better than I know myself sometimes and I like it that way.

Well, I am exhausted. It was a long drive home and my back is hurting and I'm sleepy. So I'm going to stop here and go to bed.
Night Night!

Thoughts Continued

Well I was talking earlier about how Master has tightened the leash on me and how my response has been to like it and have an increasing need to serve and to please, and that this surprised me. For a long time I believed that I would never truly feel this way again, at least not with any lasting depth to it. I was wrong. I am very glad that I was wrong too. It means I have healed from things I thought I would not heal from. Not only healed, but gone beyond where I was before. Most likely this is because I know more about myself than I used to know, partly due to all my experiences, good or bad. Everything I have been through and everything I have done, has contributed to the person I am today. Today's experiences will add to that and contribute to who I will be tomorrow or next year. Looking back to myself a year ago, I don't seem like the same person. And I know I am not. The fears I had then, are either completely gone or robbed of their ability to truly frighten me. They no longer prevent me from doing what I want to do, which is good.

I'm writing again, more consistently than I have for years and without fear of reprisal either. I am beginning to enjoy the process of writing again, the way I used to and am excited about it. Sometimes it feels like I'm going to explode because all the ideas I had in the past for articles and essays are still there, but they are not alone anymore. More ideas have been added. Apparently part of my mind contiuned generating ideas whether I was actually writing or not. I find myself with more ideas than time to write them all LOL. ITs okay though, I have plenty of time and I am sure I will be allowed to continue to write. Master could tell me to stop, but I know he won't do that. It is too much a part of me for him to want to get rid of it. Its a part of me that attracted him to me.

Losing things that make one the person they are, is often a fear that many people new to the lifestyle have, specially when discussing or considering slavery. I try to explain that a healthy master / slave relationship does not destroy who the slave, as a person and human being, is, instead it enhance them and many do not understand. The fear of losing one's self is a strong fear, one that is hard to overcome. In the wrong relationship, it is a possibility. Once people here that, they assume it will happen in every relationship simply because of the loss of control a slave has. But it doesn't work that way. In the right relationship, the slave grows and who they are is enhanced, not removed. Yes, some things get changed. For me its been learning better control of my temper and my mouth. Things I have wanted to learn but could not learn entirely on my own. The rest has been minor things like changing how I fold clothes to a way he prefers and likes. Would he change my showing intelligence? not at all. Would he change my comittment to my web site? no. why? because these are things which are important to me. He might ask me to not do them for a day or so, to spend alone time with him. But he would never make me feel guilty or neglectful for doing these things.

Well that's all I can think of and I have to go because a friend has called me.

Thoughts on recent events

Well, most people who know me, know I live in a household with 10 people in it. 2 are my kids, 2 are Master's kids, 2 are kids we picked up, 1 is Master's son's new wife, then master and myself and the nanny ayli. We are up to 6 cats (got two new kittens cuz master and I are softies LOL), 2 rabbits, 2 ferrets and a dog most of us don't really like. So our house is never quiet enough, or lacking people enough for us to play very often. Specially not playing hard because we have to keep the noise down. heck, the kids think we are making love or playing if we are simply giggling or laughing and the door is closed. this can be so very very annoying sometimes. Anyway, last night for the first time in months, ALL the kids (except the youngest) were GONE! YAY!! Luckily, the youngest was asleep so we closed and locked the bedroom door and for the next hour and half, we had a great deal of fun without thinking about noise levels or anything or anyone else. I know I really really needed that. Master said he did too.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about things recently. Mostly because I have noticed some changes in myself and in master that make me think. Master has certainly grown as a dominant and a master over the past year. He more easily accepts the fact that he enjoys being served, without feeling guilty for it. He accepts and enjoys the fact that sometimes he just wants to make me go "ow!" without feeling guilty or feeling as if he is abusing me. He demands more of me on a daily basis than he did before. Not so much in task areas, but in areas of behavior. The biggest being my mouth. I am quite sarcastic and a smart ass. I am real good at one liners and comebacks. Most of the time I am very good at knowing where the line is between funny and too much. But Master has recently moved that line backwards a bit, so I reach "too much" a bit faster than before. The most interesting part of this is my reaction to it. I kind of expected to be upset somehow if or when he tightened the reins on me. I have gotten used to having a lot of freedom, though I didn't really like it. Over the past year, he has pulled back how much freedom I have. So I expected to be upset by it or worried about it. But I'm not either one. Instead I find that I am happier, calmer, more focused and centered within myself. It just feels right.

As a result my desires to please and to serve have simply grown stronger. Sometimes the intensity of them does scare me, but it is not a huge amount of fear. Its just a fleeting fealing that doesn't last more than a few seconds. Woops. Matser wants the computer. I'll try to finish later or tomorrow.