Company Has Arrived

Master's family is here to visit. I really like them, they are alot of fun to spend time with. So I spent most of the day sitting in the dining room talking with one, two or all three of them. (Depending on who was napping and who wasn't LOL) They drove 16 hours to come visit for a week or so. I knew they were coming from months ago. They come every year, which is very nice. This year I felt slightly different, well more than slightly actually, about their visit. Not that I didn't want to see them or anything like that, but on my duty while they are here. I wanted to make Master proud of me as a hostess. I mean, this is his father, step mother and his sister, they mean a lot to him. As his slave, I wanted him to be proud of me and pleased by how I treat them. It is really easy though because I love them lots too. (grin) I think I did a real good job too. They seemed very happy, which was my goal.

Its going to be busy, confusing, noisy and all that for the next week or so, but its also going to be a lot of fun and I'm looking forward to it.

I can't describe how much better I feel after Master and I played the other night. I really needed it! I am a lot more relaxed and more peaceful. I really miss being able to play on a regular basis and sometimes I just *need* the release of pain play. I have noticed though that I can't take as much physically as I used to. I figure it is because we don't play very often due to privacy issues, so my skin isn't as tough as it was. Not that I had callouses or anything, but I did have a higher tolerance level.

There is a girl coming into LnR every day, she is very new to the lifestyle and thus at the whole fear filled confusion stage and trying to figure out if this is right for her or not. She doesn't even understand why she keeps coming back or what the attraction is for her. I remember that stage, though it wasn't as bad for me as I already knew I liked the kinky sex and that I liked making people happy, so for me much of it was major relief in having words to put to my desires, and finding out that I wasn't crazy because alot of other people had the same (or very similar) desires. But I did have the whole experience when I first entered a gorean chat room and something inside me went YES! even louder than it did when I first entered a bdsm room.

Gorean rooms can be very intimidating. There is so much for a slave to know. Positions, language, serves, food, beverages, silks and all the other stuff. I remember being afraid, confused and everything else because I was trying so hard to make myself conform to someone else's idea of what was the right way to engage in bdsm, even though I already knew inside myself that it wasn't completely right for me. I tried so hard because it was such a major relief to finally have those answers and fit in, I did not want to lose it. But I kept going back to the gor rooms. Out of embaressment and shame, I always said it was because the serves and such called to my creative side, the writer in me. But that was only part of the reason. The other part was because I thrive on the structure, I enjoy the rituals, I needed to be owned. Those were things I couldn't tell anyone, even myself, for the longest time. So many people look down on gor as unrealistic, silly, and all kinds of other equally insulting things. As time went on though, I did admit to myself at least, why I stayed in gor rooms and why I kept returning to them if I did leave for a while. Because being a slave is what I wanted and what I need, it is who I am. I can't say that I fully agree with all the gorean philosophy, but most of it I do agree with.

I can't agree that ALL women should be submissive and ALL men should be dominant, based solely on gender, because human beings are just not that simple. I can agree that for some people this is correct for them, but it isn't correct for all. The other things such as being honorable and such, I agree with whole heartedly. I am a strong individual, with my own opinions and I am not afraid to voice them most of the time. I can be stubborn and annoying (of course). I am a smart ass, and love to crack jokes and engage in verbal banter. These are all things that I had been taught a slave can not be. When I finally looked into it for myself, I found that not only is that not true, but that many slaves are very similar to me. That many dominants who want slaves, prefer slaves who are capable, intelligent, have a good sense of humor and all the rest. Most do not want someone they have to watch all the time or give directions to for every step of every little thing they do. They want someone who can be told "I want you to do these things" and then know that the slave will do the best they can to meet that expectation and handle whatever comes up while doing so in a manner that would be pleasing to their owner. That slaves are not mindless robots who are all alike or are just people who can't handle their own lives at all so prefer someone else to make all their decisions for them. This is just not true. Yes I give Master the power to make all my decisions for me, and he has final say in everything, but that doesn't mean I am relieved from the responsibility of handling my life. In actuality, I am required to not only handle my life, but to do it well enough to please him.

It is kind of nice to finally be able to say to myself that I am a slave, and I like it. :)