Updating This Blog & Thoughts

I have revamped this blog and I like the layout much better. I have also added labels to the entries, but I have not gone back and labeled every post that is in the archive but I will try to do that over the next couple weeks. I'm going to try to blog a little more often even if it is just a re-write of an old essay.

I mistakenly posted my real thoughts on a discussion list today on a topic that I knew would cause a bit of an uproar. Some posted the list of "Submissive Rights" that has been making its way around the internet for the 11 years I have been online. This, of course, raised the topic of whether or not a submissive/slave has the right to just up and leave at any time to get out of a relationship. Legally speaking, everyone has that right in most countries. BDSM however is not exactly legal and relies heavily on people deciding for themselves what they want to do or not do. I believe that this includes the ability for someone to decide that within their relationship they do not have the right to just up and leave at any time despite what the law says. I do not see this as any different from people deciding that engaging in bondage and sadomasochistic play is okay despite the laws that say these activities are illegal. The statement was made that no one really believes they can't just up and leave and this is where I was stupid. I replied that human beings can convince themselves of anything if they want to and because of this ability they can convince themselves that they no longer have the right to just walk out.

Of course the responses I got were ones I expected, but they do still annoy me. The responses were:

1. Those who believe this are living in a fantasy world
2. Those who believe this have little to no real life experience
3. Those who believe this are abused or setting themselves up to be abused
4. Those who say things like this are online only.

These particular responses arise frequently on many different topics. The problem is what I said is true. Human beings can convince themselves of anything if they want to. If a person tells himself over and over that they are a bad person, they will eventually believe it no matter how much proof there is to the contrary. I stated that these responses are very judgmental specially when coupled with an expressed desire that anyone who says something like I did should be shaken and set straight.

Anyway, in my relationship I gave up the right to just walk out at any time. Master stated that he preferred a "grace period" (so to speak). If I ever feel like I want to end the relationship I have to give him 90 days to try and work things out before I leave. If, after the 90 days are up, I still feel that the only option is to end the relationship then I will be released and free to leave. Because of this I can honestly say that I do not have the right to just up and walk out at any time. Legally I can do so and I know that, but my emotions do not believe it. I am bound by the vow I made when I submitted to his desires in this area and this overrides the law in my eyes (same as our many reasons for engaging in s/m activities). This is not fantasy, it is my life. This was done for a few reasons

1. we believe that people see relationships as disposable and leave too easily sometimes (not always so don't inundate me with hate mail)
2. we made a commitment to each other and any decision to end the relationship should not be made during a time of emotional upheaval
3. we have children and our separating affects them also and this has to be taken into consideration

There are other reasons but they are more personal and I do not feel comfortable sharing them here but the three I have shared are more than enough in my opinion to explain why I felt comfortable submitting to that particular desire. Just because a person knows something intellectually does not mean their emotions agree with it nor does it mean that they have to behave that way if they do not believe it is right for them.

To me, part of being a slave means I give everything to my owner; my body, my belongings, and my rights. This is not a decision that anyone should ever make lightly and it is not one I made lightly. I was not forced to do this but this is just what works for me. Had I withheld things from the control of my master I would not, in my own opinion, be a slave; I would be a submissive. I have tried living as a submissive and keeping certain areas “off limits” to the control of my dominant, it does not work for me. What does work is giving it all to my owner and living by his rules, guidelines, expectations, orders etc. If he, in turn, decides that certain areas are mine to handle then I handle them, but he still has final say and can change things around or override a decision I have made. He wanted that 90 day caveat. His reasoning for it made good sense to me and I agreed with his reasoning, thus I felt comfortable submitting in this area as well.

What it seems people do not understand on mailing lists is that when someone says something like I did today that it is not always spoken by a novice who has learned about bdsm mostly online. They don’t seem to take into consideration what they know of the person who posted the statement. I have posted many times and in many forums how careful I was before submitting to the depth that I wanted to and being collared as a slave. I weighed everything carefully before deciding that I could submit this way to this man and I am not alone. There are many people out there, involved in m/s relationships, who were just as careful in their submission. I can understand people being skeptical and wanting to help a novice learn, but when a statement like the one I made is made by someone who is not a novice it should not receive the response it did.

Well that’s it for today.

Things I am thankful for: my children, my master, lower pain level