Collars

A while back the silver necklace that serves as my day to day collar got broken so I was without it for a while. The other day master fixed it and had me kneel before him to place it on my neck once more. Since then I've felt odd. Not bad or anything, just odd. It has made me wonder if having that physical presence on my neck makes more of a difference to me than I realized. I had always thought that my feelings of submission and being owned would exist just as strong whether I had the collar on or not. I was apparently wrong. I had not realized how much I missed wearing the collar until Master put it back on. I remember missing it a great deal at first, but part of it was caused by my own guilt as it was I who broke it and Master said I had to earn it back, which I am glad to say that I did manage to do. But since he put it back on I feel it constantly and my submissive feelings and the feeling of being owned have either become a bit stronger or are just being noticed more often because the collar is a reminder.

I had not realized how "off" I felt without the collar. I guess I just did not realize how much the collar affected me and how important it is to me. I get the same "something is missing" feeling if I remove my wedding ring for any reason. Having the collar back on my neck makes me feel complete again, less "lost". I know this isn't making much sense, but these thoughts have been floating around in my mind for the last few days so I figured I would go ahead and ramble to see if I couldn't figure out why the thoughts keep popping up. My guess is that they keep popping up because I was not expecting such a difference in how I feel. I feel closer to Master, quieter inside, happier, and more balanced.

Is it a bad thing that a material posession apparently matters that much? My feelings of love, devotion, etc to Master have not changed, I just notice them more often. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the millions of things one has to do on a daily basis and not notice one's emotions. Having the collar on my neck, feeling it, causes my mind to stop and notice how I *feel* more often. I like that a lot. I think it is important for people to stop and pay attention to how they feel, specially about their family and friends. People tend to get so busy that they don't allow themselves to truly think about and feel the connections they have for others. For me, the collar helps me to keep from taking my Master and our relationship for granted. It helps me stay in contact with my submissiveness, my desire to please and how much master means to me. I'm not saying that I stopped feeling those things without the collar on my neck because I did not stop feeling them, it was just easier to forget to stop and let myself just think about our relationship (or think about him) and just feel. If the collar helps me to do that more often then I do not see that as a bad thing or as being materialistic. I guess it is just sentimental.

I do not ever want to be without my collar again, same as I never want to be without my wedding ring. I am very grateful that master chose to keep me (and give the collar back eventually) rather than just outright release me as his slave for what I did. I am pretty sure that it is a mistake I will not make again so long as I remember the differences in how I feel now with the collar on and how I felt for the past 8 months or so without it. If the lesson master wanted to teach me had anything to do with realizing the importance of the collar then he suceeded. There are other things I learned as well, but I do keep some things off the internet. LOL