Power Exchange In The New Year & Give and Take in a Power Exchange

Master and I did some talking about our relationship and where we would like it to go in the next year. He mentioned wanting some kind of ritual in place and more frequent play as he really misses it (so do I for that matter). He is still considering what rituals he would like to put in place. He has started sending me emails on a daily basis with a task or two that he wants me to do in the email. I enjoy getting those daily emails from him as I have missed having specific tasks to do. I know what he expects on a daily basis, how he wants things done around the house and all of that, but it is still nice to get a specific task ordered. Sending those emails can be considered a ritual of sorts and it seems to be something he likes to do as well.

I was talking with a friend of mine the other day about how relationships change over time, even bdsm based relationships. She was telling me how in the early years of a relationship it is not unsual for the s-type to want to do all the household chores them selves, but as time goes on that may change. For me, I have wanted to do all the household chores myself because I do not work and master does, so I felt that taking care of the house is my job. Sadly due to my physical limitations, it is not always possible for me to do all the household chores. I'm not supposed to move furniture around for example, so when it is time to vacuum under the couch either master or someone else has to move the couch for me. Because of this I had to adjust my preferences to meet my reality early on. This was not easy for me to do and even now I have days where I feel that I am not pulling my weight. Those days always coincide with increased pain that results in decreased mobility. Master is very understanding of my feelings in this area (and most other areas as well).

Anyway as my friend and I were talking the idea of a family as a "team" came up. The point was made that even in a family where the parents have a power exchange based relationship, they are still a team and as such, each party can and should pitch in when needed. I have to agree with this statement. Service based s-type or not, master and I are married and we have children. We are also human. Because of those things there are times where we have to step up and pitch in regardless of the power disparity between us. I do not see this as detracting from my submission or his dominance. I see this as simply the day to day give and take that must occur in any long term relationship if it is to survive.

Separating out power, clarifying who is responsible for what duties, and setting limits on the relationship/behaviors/etc are all part and parcel of a bdsm relationship. But any relationship has to be fluid, there has to be give and take. This also applies in a bdsm relationship. Even with the clearly defined roles and responsibilities of a bdsm relationship, there has to be leeway for the very basic human nature of the people involved.

To me, who does the dishes after dinner does not reflect upon who has more power in the relationship. I think it reflects more upon how master and I care for and love each other that we are both willing to do things that are not typically part of our "role" for the benefit of our family and our relationship as a whole. I think this fluidness is often overlooked when people discuss bdsm parameters with a prospective partner, specially with novices. Many people seem to see the division of power as a way to clearly define who does what in the relationship and that those delineations should erase any need for compromise; so long as the s-type does their part and the d-type does their part then everything will be fine. Sadly no human relationship can be that easily defined all the time. Situations, emotions, needs, wants, desires and abilities all change over time. If the people involved are not willing to change when necessary to meet the needs of those changes when they occur, then I believe the relationship will have great difficulty.

I have decided to write my tasks down in my blog, hopefully on a daily basis. I miss writing in my journal so I am going to try to blog every day, though if something really personal arises that I do not feel comfortable putting on the internet it will go in my paper journal not online. I'm hoping that by doing this I will once again pick up my writing and start working on the many essays I have outlined in my notebooks. I am also hoping that this will help me start working again on my web site as I have fallen woefully behind on it.

Today's tasks:
Laundry
Grocery List
Balance Checkbook
Pay End of Month Bills/Budget
Clean Bedroom
Go to the doctor for follow up appointment
Shower and shave
Stitch for at least 1 hour
Work on writings