A lot of times the topic of terminology, expressions and words come up on mailing lists, in real life groups and in chat room. It is discussed about whether or not the words we use in BDSM actually exist, if the definitions that are in the dictionary (for those words that have definitions in the dictionary) are applicable to BDSM, and whether or not we can ever agree upon a lexicon of terms for the lifestyle. I have spent a lot of time thinking about this topic over the past few years, wondering whether having a set definition for the terms would be helpful or harmful, wondering whether or not we will ever arrive at a general consensus agreement of terms and wondering if it would even matter if we did. I wonder why people find it so necessary to create new terms when the ones that are already in place adequately describe the same situation or role.

“Words are not the things for which they stand” Robert Fulghum

The above quote seems to apply to how those involved in BDSM approach words. The frequent redefining of terms to a point where they no longer even faintly resemble their original definitions is (to me) an example of a word no longer being that which it stands for. The reason people define words is so that they can give a single word that stands for a longer meaning or situation. The word war for example is a very small word, yet whenever it is used it conveys a fight, usually with arms and usually involving large groups of people. Rather than saying “Such and such a place is engaged in a large scale war with hundreds of their military members fighting over land borders with the people of a neighboring country”, it is much easier to say “Such and such a place is at war with their neighboring country over border disputes.” The meaning is the same with the main difference being smaller words are used. Words provide multiple opportunities to get a thought/concept/idea across in different ways. The definition of a term is supposed to be the situation or such that the word was created to describe. If we start removing those definitions, we are making effective communication much more difficult because no one knows what anyone else is talking about. BDSM is a widely varied and often complicated topic as it is, and it is made more complicated by the erosion of the terminology. I do not however think this is isolated only to BDSM. I think this same erosion is occurring in every day language as well. I’m not sure why this is so, but it is there.

“We speak poetry, not substance.” Robert Fulghum

(I’ve been reading another Robert Fulghum book, can ya tell? I love his books, I always find something in them that touches me)
I read this little tidbit and all I could think of “what a neat way of saying lipservice!” Some consider poetry to be an abstract flowery use of words that has no real meaning or significance. I happen to think poetry does indeed have a distinct meaning, and it is usually the meaning that the author gives it. (It can be abstract or concrete or anything else the author wants it to be) So I can see how one could say that a person who speaks in the abstract, without conviction and without meaning what they say, is speaking poetry. For words to have substance they have to be filled with a meaning, whether that be the dictionary’s definition or some mental/emotional significance that the speaker imparts into the words. Another way that words have substance is whether or not they are spoken by someone who backs their words up rather than just speaks to hear their own voice, in this case those words have a lot of substance because the speaker can be counted on to back those words up. I think it is sad how society has developed (or regressed maybe) into something that values pretty words with no substance, over promises and honesty.

“The map is not the territory” Alfred Korzyboki (meaning “abstractions about reality are only symbols of the real world and are not to be confused with the world itself” Robert Fulghum)

With this little tidbit I get the impression that words are only the preface to the real item (be it a thought, feeling, experience, person, place or whatever) itself and not to be counted on to give an accurate representation of that item. It also could be reminding people that dreaming about something or reading about it (hearing about it etc) is nowhere near the same as experiencing it for yourself and not to take what you hear as the gospel truth about reality. Dreaming is wonderful and (I think so anyway) necessary for human beings. They help to enliven the spirit and refresh the soul. But it can be a very bad thing to confuse a dream with reality and dreams shouldn’t be relied upon to reveal the truth of a situation.

Just some rambling thoughts…