BDSM as a religion?

"Mainly what we are trying to show is that this is not a religion or religious practice, therefor we are not the atheist we have been accused of being for not believing or practicing BDSM.. "

Personally I am unclear as to how they got the idea that someone thinks bdsm is a religion, but so be it. Other statements were made to the effect that bdsm is not part of any religion out there, nor are power exchanges.

I do not see bdsm as a religion. However, I do understand how one can reconcile their religious beliefs and their desire for a power exchange relationship. Most often these quotes from the bible are used in this manner:

Ephesians 5:22-24
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Colossians 3:18Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord

1 Peter 3:1-6In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands, even those who refuse to accept the Good News. Your godly lives will speak to them better than any words. They will be won overYour beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight . That is the way the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, when she called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.

Also, Southern Baptists adopted a declaration back in 1998 which stated that a wife must submit to her husband in all things. This declaration used the same quotes above as proof for this. http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9F02EED8123AF933A25755C0A96E958260

I believe that the reason this whole topic was raised (and thrown in my face) was because one person repeated that the Southern Baptists had made such a declaration and that it makes those relationships very similar (if not the same) as power exchange ones (domination/submission or master/slave).

I do not see how bdsm in and of itself can be termed a religion, but I do see how some people need to reconcile their religion to their chosen relationship style and those bible quotes (as well as the Southern Baptist declaration) makes such reconciliation easy.

"See Exhibit B052108_Exhibit_B_RoseSpeaks.pd fandhttp://annanicoleandhowardkstern.com/051308_A... Rose says: May 16th, 2008 at 2:54 am BTW while I am venting here is McCabe saying he is NOT the head of his household so therefore my faith and beliefs that the husband is the head of the household makes me “porn”… ggggggeeeeeessssssshhhhh is McCabe upset because I follow my religious faith and beleive that God wants me to defer to my husband on certain things… WHY is my religious faith even at question here and are all of those women slamming me saying they are atheists or just that they would NEVER let their husband be the head of the house? Why don’t they put up or shut up… why don’t they answer… are all of the women the head of their households and they fear that some of us who still follow our religious beliefs should be destroyed for that… so is McCabe saying I must be hated because I am not an atheist but follow my God’s teachings??"

This is not saying that bdsm is a religion, it is saying that deferring to one's husband is part of the person's religious faith. The quotes from the bible above support this belief, as does the baptist declaration from 1998. These people twisted this post (which was not even on their forum in the first place, but an entirely different one) to say that Rose believes bdsm to be a religion. Sad how some people can't read English very well.

Is BDSM Domestic Violence?

The statements were made that bdsm relationships are domestic violence, abusive relationships. I disagree. Abusive relationships are not based on informed consent. The abuser does not discuss what he/she plans to do with their victim. Nor do they get permission of the victim to do those things. In BDSM the dominant partner does discuss their plans with the submissive partner and consent is given.

For more see:
http://www.leathernroses.com/abuse/healingabuse.htm

http://www.leathernroses.com/abuse/ravenbdsmabuse2.htm
http://www.leathernroses.com/abuse/dakinidsandabuse.htm

Disability In BDSM

(Hopefully she wasn't abused, even willingly. We are seeing that most of these women are "Disabled" and it's not difficult to arrive at WHY. Very sad indeed.) This statement is basically saying that disability is a result of bdsm. This is so far from the truth as to be totally laughable.

I am disabled due to having given birth to a baby that was too large to pass through my pelvis easily and passing her caused extensive damage to my pelvis. Further I have degenerative disc disease which has affected two discs in my lower back resulting in bad discs and a great deal of nerve damage. Having my second child put further damage to my pelvis resulting in a fusion becoming necessary. The fusion failed leaving me with a permanent compound fracture of the left sacroiliac joint (part of the pelvis). This has had nothing at all to do with my lifestyle choices, engaging in bdsm play activities, or being a slave.

I know others in bdsm who are disabled due to diabetes complications, birth defects, auto accidents and surgical errors. I also know a large number of people who are not disabled at all yet are still involved in bdsm.

There is no proof that bdsm leaves people disabled or that disabled people are more drawn to bdsm than able bodied people. In fact, going solely by the numbers, I would have to say that the opposite is true (more able bodied people are involved in bdsm than disabled people).

Educating Others About BDSM

I went to a site yesterday because they had part of my essay on begging posted. It was a "discussion" forum based on Anna Nicole Smith and everything surrounding her and her death. A friend of mine had been posting there and one of the posters found out about her interest in bdsm. They went to her bdsm site and followed the links, which landed them on my site. They they took part of my begging article, which has nothing to do with the topic they were supposed to be discussing, and posted it with comments such as "These people are f'ed!" and similar comments (some worse). I politely requested that my essay be removed as it was used without my permission. This, of course, prompted them to hit back with "fair use". I went through the requirements of fair use to show how the way they used the essay did not meet those requirements and thus by taking it without permission it was copyright violation.
Well, they proceeded to directly attack me, my chosen lifestyle and relationship. What annoyed me was they deliberately asked questions that I knew they did not truly want the answers to. I was good and did not reply to any attacks, insults, threats or what have you. I posted solely to the topic of my essay and copyright, and in response to someone wishing me well and asking me a whether or not I was the same Raven that posts on a political site (which I am not.) One of the members then chose to do some research and posted my real name to the forum, making it quite clear that she has my information and veiled threats of using it. This does not scare me.
Part of me really wanted to answer the statements they made, but I knew better than to do it on their forum. So instead, I will list the questions that were asked and answer them here where they might do some real good.

Updating This Blog & Thoughts

I have revamped this blog and I like the layout much better. I have also added labels to the entries, but I have not gone back and labeled every post that is in the archive but I will try to do that over the next couple weeks. I'm going to try to blog a little more often even if it is just a re-write of an old essay.

I mistakenly posted my real thoughts on a discussion list today on a topic that I knew would cause a bit of an uproar. Some posted the list of "Submissive Rights" that has been making its way around the internet for the 11 years I have been online. This, of course, raised the topic of whether or not a submissive/slave has the right to just up and leave at any time to get out of a relationship. Legally speaking, everyone has that right in most countries. BDSM however is not exactly legal and relies heavily on people deciding for themselves what they want to do or not do. I believe that this includes the ability for someone to decide that within their relationship they do not have the right to just up and leave at any time despite what the law says. I do not see this as any different from people deciding that engaging in bondage and sadomasochistic play is okay despite the laws that say these activities are illegal. The statement was made that no one really believes they can't just up and leave and this is where I was stupid. I replied that human beings can convince themselves of anything if they want to and because of this ability they can convince themselves that they no longer have the right to just walk out.

Of course the responses I got were ones I expected, but they do still annoy me. The responses were:

1. Those who believe this are living in a fantasy world
2. Those who believe this have little to no real life experience
3. Those who believe this are abused or setting themselves up to be abused
4. Those who say things like this are online only.

These particular responses arise frequently on many different topics. The problem is what I said is true. Human beings can convince themselves of anything if they want to. If a person tells himself over and over that they are a bad person, they will eventually believe it no matter how much proof there is to the contrary. I stated that these responses are very judgmental specially when coupled with an expressed desire that anyone who says something like I did should be shaken and set straight.

Anyway, in my relationship I gave up the right to just walk out at any time. Master stated that he preferred a "grace period" (so to speak). If I ever feel like I want to end the relationship I have to give him 90 days to try and work things out before I leave. If, after the 90 days are up, I still feel that the only option is to end the relationship then I will be released and free to leave. Because of this I can honestly say that I do not have the right to just up and walk out at any time. Legally I can do so and I know that, but my emotions do not believe it. I am bound by the vow I made when I submitted to his desires in this area and this overrides the law in my eyes (same as our many reasons for engaging in s/m activities). This is not fantasy, it is my life. This was done for a few reasons

1. we believe that people see relationships as disposable and leave too easily sometimes (not always so don't inundate me with hate mail)
2. we made a commitment to each other and any decision to end the relationship should not be made during a time of emotional upheaval
3. we have children and our separating affects them also and this has to be taken into consideration

There are other reasons but they are more personal and I do not feel comfortable sharing them here but the three I have shared are more than enough in my opinion to explain why I felt comfortable submitting to that particular desire. Just because a person knows something intellectually does not mean their emotions agree with it nor does it mean that they have to behave that way if they do not believe it is right for them.

To me, part of being a slave means I give everything to my owner; my body, my belongings, and my rights. This is not a decision that anyone should ever make lightly and it is not one I made lightly. I was not forced to do this but this is just what works for me. Had I withheld things from the control of my master I would not, in my own opinion, be a slave; I would be a submissive. I have tried living as a submissive and keeping certain areas “off limits” to the control of my dominant, it does not work for me. What does work is giving it all to my owner and living by his rules, guidelines, expectations, orders etc. If he, in turn, decides that certain areas are mine to handle then I handle them, but he still has final say and can change things around or override a decision I have made. He wanted that 90 day caveat. His reasoning for it made good sense to me and I agreed with his reasoning, thus I felt comfortable submitting in this area as well.

What it seems people do not understand on mailing lists is that when someone says something like I did today that it is not always spoken by a novice who has learned about bdsm mostly online. They don’t seem to take into consideration what they know of the person who posted the statement. I have posted many times and in many forums how careful I was before submitting to the depth that I wanted to and being collared as a slave. I weighed everything carefully before deciding that I could submit this way to this man and I am not alone. There are many people out there, involved in m/s relationships, who were just as careful in their submission. I can understand people being skeptical and wanting to help a novice learn, but when a statement like the one I made is made by someone who is not a novice it should not receive the response it did.

Well that’s it for today.

Things I am thankful for: my children, my master, lower pain level

Collars

A while back the silver necklace that serves as my day to day collar got broken so I was without it for a while. The other day master fixed it and had me kneel before him to place it on my neck once more. Since then I've felt odd. Not bad or anything, just odd. It has made me wonder if having that physical presence on my neck makes more of a difference to me than I realized. I had always thought that my feelings of submission and being owned would exist just as strong whether I had the collar on or not. I was apparently wrong. I had not realized how much I missed wearing the collar until Master put it back on. I remember missing it a great deal at first, but part of it was caused by my own guilt as it was I who broke it and Master said I had to earn it back, which I am glad to say that I did manage to do. But since he put it back on I feel it constantly and my submissive feelings and the feeling of being owned have either become a bit stronger or are just being noticed more often because the collar is a reminder.

I had not realized how "off" I felt without the collar. I guess I just did not realize how much the collar affected me and how important it is to me. I get the same "something is missing" feeling if I remove my wedding ring for any reason. Having the collar back on my neck makes me feel complete again, less "lost". I know this isn't making much sense, but these thoughts have been floating around in my mind for the last few days so I figured I would go ahead and ramble to see if I couldn't figure out why the thoughts keep popping up. My guess is that they keep popping up because I was not expecting such a difference in how I feel. I feel closer to Master, quieter inside, happier, and more balanced.

Is it a bad thing that a material posession apparently matters that much? My feelings of love, devotion, etc to Master have not changed, I just notice them more often. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the millions of things one has to do on a daily basis and not notice one's emotions. Having the collar on my neck, feeling it, causes my mind to stop and notice how I *feel* more often. I like that a lot. I think it is important for people to stop and pay attention to how they feel, specially about their family and friends. People tend to get so busy that they don't allow themselves to truly think about and feel the connections they have for others. For me, the collar helps me to keep from taking my Master and our relationship for granted. It helps me stay in contact with my submissiveness, my desire to please and how much master means to me. I'm not saying that I stopped feeling those things without the collar on my neck because I did not stop feeling them, it was just easier to forget to stop and let myself just think about our relationship (or think about him) and just feel. If the collar helps me to do that more often then I do not see that as a bad thing or as being materialistic. I guess it is just sentimental.

I do not ever want to be without my collar again, same as I never want to be without my wedding ring. I am very grateful that master chose to keep me (and give the collar back eventually) rather than just outright release me as his slave for what I did. I am pretty sure that it is a mistake I will not make again so long as I remember the differences in how I feel now with the collar on and how I felt for the past 8 months or so without it. If the lesson master wanted to teach me had anything to do with realizing the importance of the collar then he suceeded. There are other things I learned as well, but I do keep some things off the internet. LOL