Power Exchange In The New Year & Give and Take in a Power Exchange

Master and I did some talking about our relationship and where we would like it to go in the next year. He mentioned wanting some kind of ritual in place and more frequent play as he really misses it (so do I for that matter). He is still considering what rituals he would like to put in place. He has started sending me emails on a daily basis with a task or two that he wants me to do in the email. I enjoy getting those daily emails from him as I have missed having specific tasks to do. I know what he expects on a daily basis, how he wants things done around the house and all of that, but it is still nice to get a specific task ordered. Sending those emails can be considered a ritual of sorts and it seems to be something he likes to do as well.

I was talking with a friend of mine the other day about how relationships change over time, even bdsm based relationships. She was telling me how in the early years of a relationship it is not unsual for the s-type to want to do all the household chores them selves, but as time goes on that may change. For me, I have wanted to do all the household chores myself because I do not work and master does, so I felt that taking care of the house is my job. Sadly due to my physical limitations, it is not always possible for me to do all the household chores. I'm not supposed to move furniture around for example, so when it is time to vacuum under the couch either master or someone else has to move the couch for me. Because of this I had to adjust my preferences to meet my reality early on. This was not easy for me to do and even now I have days where I feel that I am not pulling my weight. Those days always coincide with increased pain that results in decreased mobility. Master is very understanding of my feelings in this area (and most other areas as well).

Anyway as my friend and I were talking the idea of a family as a "team" came up. The point was made that even in a family where the parents have a power exchange based relationship, they are still a team and as such, each party can and should pitch in when needed. I have to agree with this statement. Service based s-type or not, master and I are married and we have children. We are also human. Because of those things there are times where we have to step up and pitch in regardless of the power disparity between us. I do not see this as detracting from my submission or his dominance. I see this as simply the day to day give and take that must occur in any long term relationship if it is to survive.

Separating out power, clarifying who is responsible for what duties, and setting limits on the relationship/behaviors/etc are all part and parcel of a bdsm relationship. But any relationship has to be fluid, there has to be give and take. This also applies in a bdsm relationship. Even with the clearly defined roles and responsibilities of a bdsm relationship, there has to be leeway for the very basic human nature of the people involved.

To me, who does the dishes after dinner does not reflect upon who has more power in the relationship. I think it reflects more upon how master and I care for and love each other that we are both willing to do things that are not typically part of our "role" for the benefit of our family and our relationship as a whole. I think this fluidness is often overlooked when people discuss bdsm parameters with a prospective partner, specially with novices. Many people seem to see the division of power as a way to clearly define who does what in the relationship and that those delineations should erase any need for compromise; so long as the s-type does their part and the d-type does their part then everything will be fine. Sadly no human relationship can be that easily defined all the time. Situations, emotions, needs, wants, desires and abilities all change over time. If the people involved are not willing to change when necessary to meet the needs of those changes when they occur, then I believe the relationship will have great difficulty.

I have decided to write my tasks down in my blog, hopefully on a daily basis. I miss writing in my journal so I am going to try to blog every day, though if something really personal arises that I do not feel comfortable putting on the internet it will go in my paper journal not online. I'm hoping that by doing this I will once again pick up my writing and start working on the many essays I have outlined in my notebooks. I am also hoping that this will help me start working again on my web site as I have fallen woefully behind on it.

Today's tasks:
Laundry
Grocery List
Balance Checkbook
Pay End of Month Bills/Budget
Clean Bedroom
Go to the doctor for follow up appointment
Shower and shave
Stitch for at least 1 hour
Work on writings

Power Exchange and Daily Living

Master and I have been together for 8 years now, which makes me very happy. I have noticed though that the power exchange between us has become more subtle than it was in the beginning. I am still well aware of who has final say. I still do things in the way I know he prefers them done, but the feelings of dominance and submission are not as intense as they used to be.

I am sure that some of this is simply that we are no longer in any honeymoon phase of our relationship. Having been together this long, that whole "wow this is so wonderful!" thing that happens in the begining of a relationship is not there anymore. I know that some of it is simply because we have both adjusted to each other and there is less need for us to tell each other our preferences, needs or wants; we already have a really good idea of what works for each other and what doesn't. I am also sure that some of this comes solely from my physical disabilities and how they effect my ability to do things.

I've talked about this with others who have been in a relationship with the same person for many years and they say similar things. I don't see this as a bad thing. I enjoy knowing where I stand and having the security that comes from knowing what to do and how to do it. With more time that passes, the more comfortable we get with one another. The more secure we become within our relationship and ourselves. I like that comfort and security.

Just a few thoughts that popped into my head.

More online bullshit

Well, yet again someone is trying to discredit me by telling half truths and contradictions. I had to kick/ban someone from my submissives only group for breaking both list rules and the terms of service of yahoo groups. I don't enjoy doing that, but I will do it when I have to.

Yahoo does not allow a group owner/moderator to send unwanted invitations to people, they consider it spam and it is against their TOS. It was brought to my attention by a few people on my list (one of whom had only been there 9 days or so, and was only on my list as it was the only one she had found [through LnR]) that they were receiving unwanted spam invitations to join another group. I asked that they send me a full copy of the invitation so I could see who was doing it. As soon as I found out who it was, I posted about it and banned the person, as I have done to every other person that I found harvesting email addresses and spamming my members in the 12 years my groups have existed. When I found out who it was I was a bit hurt and angry because it was someone I had thought highly of and never thought they'd do this, but they did.

Once she was banned I received two private emails from her partner (I'll call him John Doe). The first wasn't too bad, the second was getting worse and I replied politely telling him why I had banned her. The third email he sent in response was pretty dang bad and filled with insults and things that did not need to be said. I did not respond to this third email figuring to do so would simply cause trouble.

No one on my list discussed this other list, its owners, moderators or members. We moved on to discussing how to swallow cum. I started to receive private emails from people who were telling me what John Doe was saying on his list. He posted a totally unnecessary diatribe of lies and smoke screens to his list, badmouthing me and my list. I am not a member of his list so am not there to defend myself. When someone did defend me they were banned from the list.

I decided that despite my not being on his list anymore, I would respond to his statements here. He asked many questions that are designed to turn the discussion into an argument over things that do not pertain to the subject at hand; the banning of his girlfriend.

His girl (Jane Doe) was banned from my list for spamming people and nothing more than that. It had not been done sooner (she has been on the list since 2005, but never really participated) as no one had complained to me until last week. As soon as it was brought to my attention, I acted, simple as that.

John then posted about how they had not been online in over a week and that Jane had not gone into any group in months. A paragraph later he then stated that Jane went through her backlog of email (since they are set to receive individual emails from many groups, mine included..this means she read group mail, so she went "on the group"), found some interesting people and sent them invites. He posts this 3 separate times, followed again by his statement that she hadn't been on a group in months. Well, you can't have it both ways. This is a direct contradiction but more importantly, it is also a direct admission of guilt.

Despite his contradiction, in three separate posts, he made it clear that Jane did indeed break my list rules and Yahoo TOS. This is exactly why she was banned, nothing more. By sending invites to interesting people one finds through email messages from group emails, one is harvesting the email address off of a group email and then spamming the person with an unwanted invitation. He admits she did this. When I became aware she was doing it, I banned her.

So my response is: Since she did it, what is the big deal? Why did this warrant a rant on his list about all kinds of stuff that did not pertain to the situation at all? Why turn it into a huge drama that it did not need to be? I just don't get it.

As for his other accusations they were made solely to divert attention away from the matter at hand, that his girlfriend broke yahoo TOS and the rules of my list and was banned for it. There was no need for all the mudslinging bullshit that he threw out after that.

Interesting..he posts a major rant, calling up unnecessary crap, providing only a quarter of the truth all to cast the attention away from the behavior of his girlfriend; yet he says I am a drama queen? Pardon me while I continue to laugh myself silly over this...ROFLMAO