Written Journal: 8-31: punishment, discipline, tighter rules and feelings

August 31, 2005 at 12:19AM (technically, Thurs. Sept. 1)

I got in trouble today for not doing the checkbook and skipped journal entries. I confessed to Master because I am supposed to, which is something I have a hard time doing. He gave me credit for confessing and lightened the punishment a little bit. Which, considering what it ended up being and how it was done, I am even more grateful than I would have been otherwise. He started with a hard hand spanking and then cane strokes. With my butt, it hurts more to get a caning over an already reddened butt. I am glad to have the punishment over with. Its the first one sinec he tightened up on the rules. I had been severely dreading the first one. Knowing that I had screwed up but didn't have the guts to tell him yesterday was driving me crazy. I felt so guilty, even worse than the guilt was the hurt I felt because I knew I had displeased him. In any situation that is the worst of it for me. The punishment itself does not come close to the pain I feel knowing I let him down and he is displeased. Though, for me as for many slaves, the punishment itself becomes a purging process. It pays off the guilt and hurt. It lets me forgive myself more readily than I could without it. Leaving the trap of guilt and pain makes it possible, much faster, for me to learn from my mistake and reach the point where I feel a strong need to do better from then on, rather than wallow in guilt and beat myself up for days on end.

I was talking to Master about the rules and his stricter discipline. He said that he likes it but that he thinks he will like it better if he is even stricter. But he doesn't want to talk about what changes he is considering until next week. This, of course, raises my curiosity. I'm not sure what areas he wants to tighten up on, but I will find out in a week. I will do my best to try and please him and meet his expectations as best as I can.

I was reading quotes from the gor books the last couple of days. I found myself very surprised by how accurate some of them are! A few years ago when I read them I could understand them logically and how they could be accurate. But now? I not only understand them logically, I understand them emotionally and many of them are very accurate for how I feel as Master's slave. My submission is a great deal deeper because I love Him. The two feed each other now. His use of my submission makes me love him even more and that deeper love makes me want to serve, give and be more for him and then when he takes that more and uses it it goes round and round. I can see now how some slaves can honestly say and believe that their owner can do anything to them or with them and leaving just is not an option. That love --->submission --->dominance --->love cycle can and will cause exactly those thoughts and beliefs. It scares me a little to think (heck, to KNOW) that I will eventually get to that point myself. But even more, it thrills me, excites me and ignites my belly (to use the gorean phrase for it LOL). And yes, the gor books use of a slave's belly is accurate also (in my experience anyway) because the physical sensations that accompany the emotions of submission and the need to serve and please are centered in the belly and it feels real real good!

Good night!

Merging Written Journal With Online One

I have decided that this bog would better show the realities of my life as a slave on a day to day basis if I started posting the entries I make in my written journal as well. Sometimes due to my pain level it is too uncomfortable to sit here and type things in. Other times I do not have access to a computer because Master or one of the children are using them. Other times I just enjoy the physical action of writing. Other times I am stuck in bed and can't sit at the computer. During those times I use my written journal rather than this blog, which is partly why there are days or whole weeks without an entry in the blog. I do not always write every single day, but I do tend to write more manually than I do in here. So my next few entries in here will have dates written at the top beacuse they are from my written journal. I will of course change some content for privacy, or leave some things out all together for my protection or that of my children.

Conflicting Emotions

I tend to be a very capable and independent person. When I am in the process of taking care of something, I go ahead and deal with any snags that pop up during the process. However, there is a line between taking care of business and stepping on Master's toes and taking care of what should be his business. I do a lot better at not crossing that line than I ever used to, but sometimes it is very very hard. It causes emotional conflict and sometimes I get mad. It becomes a conflict between what I know I am capable of doing, and what I know I am allowed (or not allowed) to do. In my relationship there are very few areas where Master does not allow me to go ahead and do whatever I am capable of doing, to his expectations of the outcome. So such conflicts are rare. Heck, conflict between him and I is very rare anyway, which is one of the things I love most about our relationship. Anyway, back to my topic. I was thinking about this kind of internal conflict today, partly because of a few posts I read on an email discussion list and partly because I read back in my written journals and it brought the topic to mind.

This is an internal conflict that is both mental and emotional and affects every slave, submissive and bottom at some point in real life. It can also occur in online relationships, but it is more common in real life. Real life doesn't have a backspace key and we tend to be stuck with whatever pops out of our mouths. Submission, of any level/intensity, is a difficult thing at times to do. For me these conflicts happen when I get stuck being in "capable do everything Mom" mode all day long. I tend to not realize I am doing it and don't transition back to slave fast enough and boom, a conflict arises when Master orders me to do something or orders me to let him handle something. I'll be going along through my day balancing the checkbook, shopping, solving problems the kids have, cleaning, handling insurance things and whatever else comes up and my brain gets into "taking care of business" mode. Then Master comes home and says "I'll handle that, you've done enough" and it feels like I'm about to choke. My mind freezes and I stand there shocked. Then I start having the conflict, my mind says "I CAN do that!" and my heart says "its up to him" and my mind argues "yeah but *I* Can do that! I'm not stupid!" and on and on it goes. I end up having to take a few deep breaths and a few minutes to consciously make the switch from "do it all" mode to submissive mode.

Some people like to say that a submissive or slave should ALWAYS feel submissive and if they don't they are not true submissives or slaves. This is just so not true. I am a human being, and no mood or feeling is constant, there all the time without any variation or change no matter the situation. Feeling submissive is the same. I have noticed that as time goes on, making the transition is easier and the conflicts arise less and less often and are less intense. I know part of that is because I have pretty much healed from the stuff in Arizona and part of it is due to the stability and trust in my relationship. The more time we are together, the more consistent and stable things become and I really like that.

Well I'm going to go chat for a while since I haven't really chatted all day.

Meeting Expectations

I've been trying very hard to meet Master's newer expectations of me. He changed the time he wants dinner on the table to 5:30 instead of 6 and I've been doing that. Also, the house has been cleaner, which he really enjoys and I've been keeping up with the laundry. So he's been real happy with me. These things may not seem like a big deal to other people, but considering the way my health has been, they are big things to us and to me. I live with chronic pain. The easiest way to explain it is that I have a compound fracture of the left sacroiliac joint, two blown discs and nerve damage in my lower back, pelvis and left leg. So for me, walking around a lot and cleaning are not easy activities. I've spent a great deal of time off my feet in the last few years due to inadequate pain control. With a new doctor came better pain control and with the addition of a second car I am able to move around more and get more things done. This does increase my pain level, but I've noticed that as I get stronger, the pain level lessens. So for me, being able to do more makes me feel real good. Being able to finally keep the house the way I know Master prefers it, also makes me feel real good. The best thing is seeing the smile in Master's eyes, not just because the house is more to his liking, but because he is happy to see me moving around more and having decent control of my pain.

So many people assume that a m/s relationship means the dominant doesn't care much about the slave, only what the slave can do for them. In my experiences this is not true. In my relationship Master cares quite a bit about my health and well being, even more than the condition of the house. I like that we care about each other so much. For me, it increases my desire to please him, to make him happy.

Serving Master

Master mentioned a while back that he would like to see me wearing silks, similar to those described in the gor books by John Norman. There are many different descriptions of silks, but the one he seems to like the best is the one that is similar to a short toga tied at one shoulder. We are planning a get together with some friends from online for this October. Master has stated he wants me wearing silks and serving the dominants at this get together. So today I looked through the Halloween costume patterns at wal mart. I found one that I thought would work so I bought it along with some very pretty red satin fabric. One is a plain red satin and the other is similar to the embroidered satin one sees kimonos made out of. I figured two sets would be a good idea since I'll most likely be kneeling or sitting on the floor. Master also wants me to get some actual silk or a similar material for a third set, only he wants that set to be more see through. The sheer set may or may not be used in October, but will definately be used between the two of us. The idea of wearing silks in front of others sort of scares me. Not so much for Master James as I have already met him a few times in real life, but for Master Fire-Soul since this will be our first meeting. But I am also excited by the idea. Being able to actually serve, in real life, is something I have wanted to do for a long time. Due to the fact that we have children, serving in that manner is a very rare occurance around here. It just doesn't work very well to be scantily clad and kneeling with my legs spread in front of the kids. Somehow I don't think they'd appreciate it very much LOL

Anyway this has brought to mind the whole serving aspect of m/s relationships. Many people ask me "What is service?". The simple answer to that is: anything you do with the intention or for the express purpose of pleasing your dominant is service. Some see only tasks given them directly by their dominant as service. Others see only those things that the submissive or slave comes up with on their own (based on their observations of their dominant's preferences) as service. However, it seems to me that service can't be so narrowly defined. In a master / slave relationship, the slave's every action is often done with the intent of pleasing their owner and/or making their owner's life easier. Having such an intention behind their actions makes them service based.

Service is defined as: (at www.dictionary.com)

1. The performance of work or duties for a superior or as a servant
2. Assistance; help
3. An act of assistance or benefit; a favor
4. The serving of food or the manner in which it is served
5. Copulation with a female animal. Used of male animals, especially studs

Serviced/servicing:

1. To make fit for use; adjust, repair, or maintain
2. To provide services to

Idioms:at (someone's) service
Ready to help or be of use.be of service
To be ready to help or be useful.

All of these definitions apply to a power exchange relationship that includes any acts by the submissive or slave that fit those definitions. These acts need not be directly ordered by the dominant, nor are they only those which the submissive or slave thinks of by them selves. They are any actions or behaviors undertaken by the submissive or slave that maintain, provide services to, are useful, or any of the above. They can include anything from wearing clothing the dominant prefers, cooking and serving a meal, cleaning the house, or engaging in sexual or s/m activities and anything in between.

Slaves tend to be very service based. The intention behind their submission is to serve someone. To be of use, assistance and value to their owner through their actions. The more pleased their owner is, the happier the slave is. For me, everything I do is with the intent of pleasing Master. I try to keep the house cleaned the way he likes it, because he is more comfortable with a clean house. I work hard to keep us on a budget because he likes it when the bills are paid on time and we aren't broke all the time. I prepare food that he enjoys, while keeping to his low cholesterol diet for his health. (which takes a bit of work since Master really loves red meat! LOL) I try to use language the way he prefers, and keep my tone of voice respectful and pleasant. I do my best to complete all the tasks he sets for me in a timely and accurate manner. I am happiest when he is satisfied and pleased. Some people see this as him taking advantage of me, but that is not true at all. The things I do, I do because I want to, because this is what works best for me and makes me happy. Even when I was in relationships that were not power exchanges (be it d/s or m/s), I still preferred to do things simply to please my partner. Not beacuse they demanded or expected it, but beacuse I liked making them happy.

Some people believe that a slave gets no return, or very little return, for all the things they do for their owner. This is just not true. The return is often mental and emotional in nature, but that by no means negates the return. In my relationship the return can also be physical or tangible, depending on what Master wants to do.

Ok I've rambled long enough and it is late. So I'm going to stop here. I just wanted to get some of my thoughts about service out. My mind has decided to work on an article about service and it was driving me crazy and keeping me from relaxing enough to sleep. So I figured I'd toss my thoughts out here until my mind calmed down. Hopefully I can make more sense of them tomorrow and actually work it into a full article for the site. Writing makes me very happy and Master takes a great deal of pride in my writings. He likes how writing makes me feel. He enjoys reading my writings whether they are lifestyle based, fictional, poems or just rambling thoughts that my mind tosses out. This blog and my written journal are ways for him to know what is going on inside me, as well as to learn about me and see how I've grown. I am happy to share these things with him, specially now that I do not fear doing so like I used to.

Good night. :)

Discussions & New Expectations

Master and I talked the other night about how much we have both grown as separate people, as a slave and as a dominant (he grew as a dominant, not me LOL), as a couple and as a master/slave couple. Most of the time I greatly enjoy these conversations when they occur. It is nice to see how far we have come. It is also nice to discuss our goals and what areas we would like to change in present so we will meet those goals. Sometimes it is a goal he sets for me to reach, not a mutual goal. Other times there are mutual goals or one he sets for himself. We also talk about our past goals and whether we have reached them or not. If we haven't reached them, we talk about why we think that is and what we can do to reach it. These are the kinds of conversations that I believe every couple should have. I believe they are even more necessary for people in power exchange relationships.

Such discussions help each participant to see where they were, how far they've come, where they would like to go, and discover ways to get there. Such discussions help both a dominant and a submissive or a slave to see how their behaviors are working within the relationships and affecting their partner. Its a taking stock discussion. From time to time, it is good to take stock. In order to continue to grow people have to see where they've come from and recognize any growth they have already acheived. In a power exchange relationship this lets all participants see what is working, what isn't working and figure out ways to make things work or where to go next.

Master and I are quite pleased with the progress we have made. Master is very proud of how much progress I have made in dealing with my writing issues. So am I actually. It feels good to be able to write again, to enjoy it and to have that *need* to write come up again. I did not realize how much I missed it until I felt it again. It was kind of weird actually. Like part of me had returned from vacation or something. Part of who and what I am is an author. Losing that part of myself changed so many things and I had not realized it. I stopped thinking as much as I used to. I stopped analysing myself and the lifestyle as deeply as I used to. I stopped seeking to understand others as intensely as I used to. All things that I enjoyed a great deal, and all things that helped me to understand myself and others. It feels very good to have that coming back. I hope I never lose it again.

Out of our discussion came a few changes to Master's expectations of me. Now that my back has grown stronger and thus my tolerance for moving around and doing things more, Master has increased his prefences regarding how the house is kept, laundry and meal times.

I have not been feeling well the last couple of days. I think I have a stomach bug. I thought I could sit here for a bit and blog, but my tummy is not happy so I better go lay down. I'll try to finish tomorrow.

Jealousy In A Slave??? No Way!! (umm..reality bites but yes way!)

The Green Eyed Monster. Jealousy. One of the misconceptions about slaves is that a true slave is never jealous because they are happy with whatever makes their owner happy even if that means a second slave or more. This is not true. In this day and age people are more aware of the baggage they carry around, more aware of their issues and emotional/mental scars. I think part of this is because these things are talked about more often and better known than they used to be. I also think part of this is because society has become a "victim mentality"..meaning, blame someone else for everything and no one takes responsibility for their own actions anymore. But that's a different topic. (and a sweeping generalization too..there are some who take responsibility, not everyone is blind to their responsibilities)

Jealousy however, is a very real emotion. It is most often caused by insecurities and fears. In this day and age there are many people in relationships that have insecurities and fears from prior relationships. For me, there are quite a few. Mostly they center around my being afraid that I am not good enough and will eventually be replaced. Partly due to my disability and how severely it affects my day to day life. Partly because I have been replaced a few times in the past. Once due to having had my ex-husband's child, and thus my body changed. Once due to life being too stressful and the guy just couldn't face me cuz I reminded him of that stress. Once due to my back and how it affected my life. So that has created issues. The first and last ones more than the second. I have worked very hard on resolving the issues and the low self esteem which accompanies them, but it has not been easy. I still occasionaly get twinges of jealousy and fear being replaced. Its not as intense as it used to be, but it is still there.

When this happens I feel very guilty, un-slave like even. I don't want to be jealous or fear being replaced or losing Master. But to hide those feelings and lie about them to him by denying they exist, would be even worse in my eyes. So I tell him about them when they occur, even though I worry that they will upset him, make him frustrated with me, or even make him keep some of his own thoughts or feelings to himself out of fear of upsetting me.

An incident occured last night that brought this up for me and I've spent most of today thinking about it off and on, examining my feelings and reactions. Overall I am very proud of myself and how I am handling it. A year ago this would have sparked off major self doubt, fears and depression. Two years ago, I probably would have withdrawn from Master and "licked my wounds" (which would have been self inflicted anyway, as they usually are.) But this time, I told him how I felt and I have not pulled away, nor have I fallen into constant "I must be doing something wrong" thoughts. I did get the spark of fear that I was not good enough for Master, and my mind used my disability and limitations as proof. But instead of letting that fester, I told Master that the feelings were there. He is a very understanding man and very very patient. I am very lucky to have him. (He doesn't like jealousy and such, but he does understand that with my history, some issues are going to be there and take time to heal.) So we talked about it and that talk made me feel better.

As usual such an incident prompted my mind to start working. I have found that the best way to prevent jealousy is to work on the underlying fears and insecurities. If a person has a strong self-esteem and is secure in themselves and their relationship, they are not as prone to feeling jealous. By working on the underlying self esteem issues and insecurities, one can strengthen their resistence to jealousy.

I have come a long way and this incident proves that to me, and for that I am both grateful and proud of myself. But I know I would not have come this far if it was not for Master's love, understanding, patience, and support.

Honor In Slaves and Slavery

I was on IRC today and found myself involved in a discussion that pops up frequently in some gorean rooms. It was the old "slaves have no honor" discussion. I know that some people believe a slave has no honor of their own because a slave owns nothing, their Master/Mistress owns everything. Personally I do not agree with this.

Honor has been defined and redefined many times. When I use it, I mean it to say that an honorable person is one who is honest, trustworthy and reliable. Doing the right thing even when it goes against the crowd. Standing up for what one believes in. But not being arrogant or domineering.

I was trained that a slave's behavior reflects upon their owner at all times. Because of this, the slave carries part of their owner's honor with them. If the slave behaves in a pleasing and appropriate manner, this reflects well on his/her owner. If a slave behaves badly, this reflects badly on his/her owner. But beyond that, I think a slave has their own honor. In reality, slaves in m/s relationships are not raised to be slaves. So they do not have the cultural backing of a slave, and thus their mental state and their emotional states can conflict with their need to be a slave. a slave, in r/l, is also a human being and probably one that has their own interests, jobs and responsibilities. How the slave handles those areas of their life show whether or not the slave is honorable. The same qualities that define honor for a master or mistres, can be applied to a slave in r/l m/s. A slave needs to be trustworthy, honest, and reliable. They need to be able to do the right thing, even in the face of others who do not agree. They need to be able to stand up for what they believe in, what they want and need, so that they do not rush into collars and then regret them later. Honor is something I believe all human beings should have and it applies to both, dominants and subs/slaves.

Being a slave does not mean that I suddenly lack ethics or honor. I am still the same person I was before I became owned. I still have the same values regarding such things as telling the truth and fulfilling my responsibilities. If anything, my values have gotten stronger as now my behavior reflects not only on me, but on my Master as well. I take that very seriously. I know I am not perfect and I do make mistakes, but I try very hard not to make mistakes, specially in public, because I do not want to reflect badly on my Master. Such behavior fits clearly under the term "honor".

ok..lost my train of thought. I'm multi-tasking and I don't do that as well as I used to LOL

Master/slave relationships and the myths around them

beca the slave said...
Great blog! i just started mine, would love to know what you think: http://becasstory.blogspot.com/
Thanks!
beca

I went to beca's blog and read it. She is also a slave in a master/slave relationship. Her blog is similar to mine in so much as she hopes it will help others understand m/s relationships. Thank you beca for sharing your blog with me, I greatly enjoyed it!! I pasted your comment into this post so that others will see your blog as well. I think its a great way to help people understand a master/slave relationship.

In reading beca's blog, I read the comments she has received. One of them included questions that are common myths that people are told and believe about slaves. Which got me to thinking about the article I wrote two weeks ago about such myths. So I decided it would be a good idea to post my articles in my blog, not just on the site. This way, those who read the blog, will see them. Specialy since I know that not everyone wants to be surfing through such a large web site. So here is that article.

Common Myths About BDSM Slaves and Slavery
Author: Raven Shadowborne © June 2005

This article is copyrighted to the stated author(s) and can not be reproduced, copied, reprinted, or posted without the consent of the author. It is used here with permission of the author..

Myths are often created by people who have one or two facts, or part of a fact, and then fill in the blanks themselves. Or myths are created as a source of amusement and entertainment by an author or reader. Myths can also be created simply by how a story changes when it is passed along verbally, as anyone who has ever played “post office” can attest to. Myths can also be created when one instance or experience becomes verbally generalized to make it apply to everyone.

Myths about bdsm are just as prevalent. The most common reason for a myth to form about bdsm is a lack of experience or knowledge on a specific topic. Rather than learning more before educating others, some people assume they know more than they do and inadvertently create a myth to fit or expand their knowledge. Others create myths to deter people from engaging in a bdsm activity that they find objectionable.

Many myths exist about slaves. Some of these myths are created due to fear, lack of knowledge or understanding, and in some cases as a deliberate choice to not learn the truth about slaves. People pass these myths along to others as factual information and perpetuate the cycle of intolerance and ignorance that surrounds slaves and slavery. This creates more myths, misunderstandings and miscommunications as time goes on.

The most common myths about slaves, in master/slave based bdsm relationships, which I have heard, are included in this article and followed by the truth (as I understand it) behind each myth. These truths are based on my experiences as a slave, and on many discussions I have held with other slaves in order to learn more.

Myth 1: Slaves are doormats who obey everyone and blindly become whatever their owner tells them they are because they have no sense of self and no thoughts of their own.

Truth: Doormat is a term often used to deride slaves. It means that a slave lets himself or herself be walked on and they have no thoughts or opinions of their own. For the majority of slaves, this is not true. Slaves have just as many thoughts and opinions as other people do. Owners take pride in having a slave who has well thought out opinions and who is capable of thinking for them selves. They can provide the owner with much needed input that the owner can use to make informed decisions and choices for both the slave and the relationship. Also, slaves who can think for them selves are more capable of handling responsibilities the owner gives them without needing constant supervision and they provide intelligent and challenging conversations with the owner. Many master / slave relationships have rules that govern how and when a slave can tell their owner of their thoughts, feelings and opinions. Despite the variations in this area, every relationship requires such input from the slave. Owners often value a slave who thinks for themselves and find such a slave to be more pleasing.Obedience is a requirement for a slave and is pleasing to an owner. However it is not true that a slave will obey anyone that comes along. Slaves must obey the rules and expectations of their owner to the best of their abilities. Sometimes this means submitting to and obeying another, but such is always done by order of the owner and not every owner will share their slave this way.
Being a slave does not erase individuality. Instead, it enhances it. Often slaves who are unowned must hide or exert a lot of control over their submissive and service based nature. Society does not approve of people who are submissive or people who are happiest when they serve another before themselves. The very nature of a master / slave relationship allows a slave the freedom to express every part of their personality and hide nothing. It encourages the slave to grow as both an individual and a slave. Every slave is different; with different likes, dislikes, wants, needs etc. A slave must have a good working knowledge of who they are and what their wants, needs, expectations etc. are. It is impossible for a person who does not know who and what they are to give those things over to the control of another because you can not give away what you do not have or know. A slave and their owner use this self awareness to help the slave grow and to make changes in the slave’s behavior and mental state. Often these changes are discussed before the slave submits by the prospective owner telling the slave their expectations of the slave (including behaviors they want and those they do not want). This allows the slave to decide if this is how they want to be, the relationship they want to be in, and gives them a chance to consent. These changes are beneficial to the slave, helping them to be more of the person they want to be and to be more pleasing to their owner. Master / slave relationships require the same kinds of compatibility as vanilla relationships with the addition of bdsm compatibility. In order to achieve this, the slave must know themselves well and have a strong belief in them selves.

Myth 2: Slaves are actually abuse victims who take any and every thing their owner dishes out.

Truth: It is true that abuse exists. It is also true that abuse exists in bdsm. Further it is true that many slaves have been abuse victims at some point in their lives. It is NOT true however, that all slaves in master / slave relationships are current victims of abuse. There are many differences between an abusive relationship and an m/s one. As well as differences between a slave and a victim of abuse. The most important difference between a victim and a slave is CONSENT. In an abusive relationship, the victim is not informed beforehand that their partner is going to abuse them. They do not discuss what kinds of abuse will be used or anything else along those lines. Therefore the victim gives no consent to the actions of the abuser. For slaves there are discussions of what will be expected, what kinds (if any) of b/d or s/m activities might or will take place, what the rules will be, how the owner will enforce these rules and so much more. All of these discussions are designed to give the slave the information they need to make an informed choice to consent or not consent. These discussions are also intended to prevent abuse through consent, determining compatibility, determining goals, informing each participant of any issues that could effect the relationship and more. The whole point is to learn if a relationship between those specific people will be a healthy and fulfilling one for them.
It is true that once a collar is accepted a slave is then expected to accept whatever the owner chooses to do. However, this is directly impacted by the numerous discussions before the collar and the continued communication that takes place after the collar. In a dominant/submissive relationship, the submissive is allowed (and expected) to set limits on what the dominant can or can’t do. This is not true for most slaves. However, it is expected for the slave to inform their owner of any condition or situation that effects how they will receive and respond to the owner’s actions. But the final decision of what actions to take or not to take, is up to the owner. A slave should be sure they fully understand and can accept what the owner will (or might) do, and what the owner is capable of BEFORE a collar is placed. Any limits are set by the owner, so it is imperative that a slave submit to an owner whose limits closely (or exactly) match their own. In this way, the owner’s limits extend to the slave and the slave does not have to set the limits themselves (yes it is a tiny distinction, but an important one). Some m/s relationships use contracts to spell out what is expected by each person, what is or is not accepted and more. These contracts often include guidelines for the slave to follow if they want release or if the owner starts to do unsafe things. Some areas can be compromised on, if the owner is willing to do so. (Some owners are not willing to compromise.) Things like clothing choices, toy preferences, types of play that need to be worked up to/introduced slowly and similar things can be compromised on. Other things such as sexual preferences, monogamy, polygamy and anything else that is a true NEED for the person, should not be compromised on as doing so usually leads to a bad ending.

Myth 3: Slaves can not take care of themselves and want an owner because they believe having one will solve all of their problems and the owner will take care of everything for them.

Truth: Unfortunately I can not say that this is completely false because there are people out there who are exactly this way and believe having an owner will fix everything. I can say that this is most commonly seen in people who are very new to bdsm, with little or no experience and is not found in just m/s relationships but in d/s ones as well. It is also known in purely vanilla relationships as the Knight In Shining Armor Syndrome. It is also true that people who are like this are the minority, not the majority. The truth of the matter is, this just does not work and is untrue for the vast majority of slaves as an m/s relationship is not a co-dependent one..Slaves must be capable people. First and foremost they must be able to take care of themselves. A person cannot take care of someone else unless they can care for themselves first. Many slaves have a lot of responsibilities. Some are required to do budgets, take care of the house, and/or assist their owners with a small business. Some have less complicated responsibilities, but regardless of what the specific responsibilities are the basic fact remains the same. The slave is expected and required to fulfill those responsibilities to their owner’s satisfaction. In some cases, slaves are required to take classes and learn how to do something their owner wants them to do. The slave’s goal is to please their owner. To be able to meet that goal, a slave has to be able to take care of themselves to ensure they will be able to take care of their owner and their responsibilities.An m/s relationship does make some things easier. For example, the division of power is very clear resulting in fewer power struggles (with a preference that there are none at all). This is easier than a vanilla relationship where power struggles are more frequent over such things as “Whose money is it?”, “who takes out the trash?” and other subjects that are clouded by the expectation of full equality. Having an owner does fix some things such as the desire to serve. An owner gives the slave someone to serve, thus satisfying this need and “fixing” any confusion or need to suppress it. However, other issues such as low self esteem, depression and similar issues, cannot be fixed by an m/s relationship and in many cases an m/s relationship will worsen those issues. Being owned is not a solution to life’s problems and issues. It is a relationship and thus adds issues of its own to whatever issues already exist in a person’s life.

Myth 4: Slaves are stupid and incapable of identifying their own wants/needs

Truth: It cannot be said that all slaves have a superior intellect, nor can it be said (truthfully) that all slaves are stupid. Logically speaking since both kinds of human intelligence exist, the same variations are found in slaves. However, less intelligent slaves have been rare in my experiences. I have seen slaves pretending to be stupid due to some mistaken belief that it makes them a better slave. This is not true. Often, these are people who are new to bdsm and master/slave with little experience. Slaves must be intelligent because they are often relied upon to handle many of life’s day-to-day aspects and to do so without constant supervision and directions. This requires problem-solving skills and extensive knowledge of how their owner prefers things to be. Slaves also need strong observation skills so they can learn what pleases their owner without them having to explain every tiny detail. Slaves are expected to learn quickly and to put their knowledge into practice on a consistent basis. Intelligence is required for these things and more. A slave’s intelligence coupled with their strengths, individuality and self-reliance direct effects their ability to identify their own wants and needs and to separate them properly. Speaking on an basic level, people only need those things that sustain life (food, clothing, shelter and intellectual stimulation), and everything else is a want. A slave must be able to tell the difference between things they truly need and things they want. This can be very hard to do, but with practice can be done. Someone with little intelligence, minimal self-awareness, and a lack of mental or emotional strength has a very hard time differentiating between the two. A slave who sees everything as an urgent need quickly frustrates their owner. This puts the slave’s focus on them selves over their owner and m/s will not work that way. Slaves are expected to inform their owner when a need arises and many also like to be aware of a slave’s wants as well. Most owners want to meet their slave’s needs because they know that needs must be met in order to kept he slave at their best. Many will try to meet a slave’s wants as well, often as a reward or because they love the slave or any other number of reasons. Owners are not mind readers, so it is up to the slave to be able to recognize wants vs. needs and inform their owner.

Myth 5: Slaves are weak.

Truth: Weak human beings exist, so I am sure there are weak slaves somewhere. (Weak is being used here to mean mental/emotional weakness, not physical strength) However, such weakness is the exception rather than the norm for slaves. Slaves are strong individuals and have to be so for many reasons:

1. They must overcome society’s (and probably their upbringing) ideas of a “good relationship”
2. They must have insight into and a good working knowledge of them selves. Weak people are unable to have these as they lack the strength to take such a deep look at themselves and usually have low self esteem and a skewed self-image
3. Slaves have to reveal all of the knowledge this insight gives them to their owners. It takes a great deal of courage and mental fortitude to share these inner things with another.
4. They have to have the self-control needed to live up to their end of the bargain as a slave. This takes strength, especially when they aren’t in the mood or don’t like a task given them. At these times they must rely upon their strength to complete these tasks and to behave in the manner they agreed to upon submitting to their owner.
5. Giving complete control of one’s self to another is scary and very difficult to do. Our culture does not teach people how to do this and it is not easy to do. Doing this places the slave in a very vulnerable position (physically, mentally and emotionally vulnerable). It takes strength to give this control and to maintain submission.
6. Slaves have to maintain all they currently are, and continue to grow as a slave, partner, lover, friend and every other role/title used to describe a person. Someone who is mentally or emotionally weak, can not grow because they lack the strength needed to identify areas that can be improved and to learn from their experiences.

All of these things take courage, strength and commitment to accomplish. A weak person would not be successful with this over time. Slaves do have weaknesses or bad habits, they have moments of fears, confusions, doubts etc., and they get tired, same as all people do. Slaves have these moments because they are people not because they are slaves. It is very common for others to blame slavery as the cause for those moments or times in a person’s life, when the true culprit is life itself and the fact that we’re human beings. The inner strength of a slave shows best during these times because it is that inner strength that makes it possible for them to continue being a slave during those down times.
Myth 6: Slaves are all the same and have (or are not allowed) no interests outside of their owner.
Truth: This myth is one that is often used to put down slaves. They are called robots, Stepford slaves or cookie cutter slaves. Despite the many similarities between slaves, once you get beyond these surface similarities differences become apparent. Slaves are human beings and as such there are just as many variations in personality, interests, behaviors, etc. in a group of slaves as there are in other group of people. On top of these human variations, slaves vary in bdsm areas as well. For example: The desire to please others is a similarity between slaves. However, the intensity, reason behind it, and expression of this desire differs from one slave to another. The same can be said for most, if not all, of the personality traits found in slaves. It is these variations that make each slave different. They also make which relationship type and owner that works for them, different. If slaves were all the same, there would be no need for compatibility discussions or any of the other things that are done before a commitment is made. Any slave would do for any owner. It is these very differences that make a slave right for one owner and wrong for another, and make growth possible. As for interests outside of one’s owner’s interests (such as hobbies, studies, friends etc.) every slave has them. Again, this is because slaves are people, not just slaves, so they have the same variety of interests as any group of people does. Most experienced owners encourage their slaves to continue with their interests and hobbies. For the owner, these things were most likely part of the attraction they have for that particular slave. Most owners want their slaves to be all of who they are and to enjoy their lives and they know that to do these things, the slave must have interests and such outside of slavery and bdsm so the owner encourages those interests and activities. If however, a slave’s interests or hobbies (and even friends) are detrimental to the slave, the owner might choose to make the slave stop or at the very least cut back on them. It is also not uncommon for a slave and their owner to learn more about any hobby or interest that they do not have in common so as to grow closer together. Also, people sometimes just need a break (especially during periods of stress) and a hobby can provide stress relief and the very break the person needs. Experienced owners know this as well and allow (even encourage) their slave to take such breaks.
These are the most common myths about slaves and slavery that I have seen or heard in my experiences so far. As one can see, these myths are often based on misunderstanding and/or a lack of knowledge or experience. These myths can cause a lot of harm sometimes if people believe them and then base their behavior in their relationship on them. These myths have often been used to insult, belittle or otherwise hurt a slave (even to a point of causing mental/emotional harm). Most often I have this done by people who are not slaves yet are somehow insecure or otherwise bothered by slaves, so they put them down. A master/slave relationship, when entered into with full knowledge before hand, can be a very healthy and happy relationship for those involved.
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I do hope that this particular essay helps those who read this blog to understand some of the realities of a master/slave relationship, and that it helps shed light on the many myths and misunderstandings that exist about these relationships.

Old Guard, New Guard, The way I was trained

I was doing some reading today. I came accross some articles regarding the history of the leather scene and read them. It was quite fascinating reading to be honest. Some of it was very familiar to me, not because I was there when these things were the norm, but because they were the things my mentor taught me.

I have told others that when I got online and found lots of people who enjoy bdsm and things like that, I made the mistake of trying to model my reality after what others told me was *right*, only to have it fail, of course. Rick, whom I consider my mentor, is the one who opened my eyes to realizing that bdsm is personal and it is what I make of it, what is right for me and my partners. He used to talk alot about the group he had been a member of for over 20 years down in Texas where he lived. He related to me things like group rules, ownership of a sub (but they were all called masochists or slaves), who owned the collar, who bestowed a collar, how a sub/slave was handled within the group itself and so many other things. It was he who showed me that I did not have to engage in a relationship where I have the final say and can say no whenever I want and have it obeyed if I did not want such a relationship. He trained me in formality, rituals, positions and ettiquette. The things he explained to me and showed me how to do, matched my feelings and desires better than d/s ever did.

Ok..gotta take this call..will finish later

Running From Dennis The Menacing Hurricane

Master decided we were going to evacuate once our county said people should evacuate. After having the tornado in the backyard with Ivan last year, I was more than willing to evacuate since this storm was supposed to be a category 4 (with a possibility of being cat. 5) when it made landfall. We went to a part of Florida that is inland by at least 100 miles from either the atlantic ocean or the gulf of mexico. After we arrived, Master Fire-Soul told people in LnR where we were and that we were okay. But it turned out we couldn't call out from the hotel room phone, which was quite annoying. So I told Master Fire-Soul he could give people the number to the hotel so they could call us themselves and we can let them know we are okay.

It turned out that two people we know from online Master Rare`Vos and his slave zjari live in the town we were staying in! We got a call from them and agreed to meet for lunch. We had a great time! They are both such wonderful people, have great senses of humor and are very friendly. zjari was a blast! She has that verbal bantering sense of humor, similar to mine, only she is much better at it! Lunch was great! After lunch they came back to our hotel room and we sat and talked. Turns out we have a lot in common regarding our views of bdsm, gor and master/slave relationships, including what methods we believe work best for teaching someone who is new to bdsm about the lifestyle. I really really enjoyed meeting them and spending time wiht them. I hope we can do that again soon!

I had an interesting experience on the car ride. I know I have written about my troubles with writing and how I was using a tape recorder to record my thoughts so I wouldn't lose them when I sat down to put the thoughts on paper. Well, in the car, I was cross stitching and my mind tossed at me an article in rough draft form. I tried to just ignore it becasue I really need to finish this peice I'm working on, but my mind kept nagging me until finally I realized how I was feeling. I was excited, feeling creative, and really really WANTING to write! So I pulled out a pen and a notebook. I had brought my notebooks and some outlines that I have written for articles in the last 5 years, but neve rmanaged to actually write because I lost the thoughts I had about them. I was hoping that I could work on some of them while sitting in the hotel room for 3 days. Anyway, instead of working on an old article, I ended up producing an entirely new one. In just 30 minutes I had, on paper, a really good rough draft of an article about Gorean Natural Order. The best part??? I did not lose a SINGLE word, not a single thought...nothing! The entire article got written down, just as it showed up in my head and I missed nothing! It felt so good to write the way I used to again. It felt so RIGHT. so ME. I need that, and I can't believe how completely I had smothered that need in fear. I will do the re-write on the article then post it to LnR. I am also going to submit to the ezines I used to write for, see if they want it. Can't hurt to get out there and do it I don't think.

I am beginning to feel more confident in myself and my writing. More confident that I will heal this area of myself as well. Master was sooooooooooooooooo right to make me write an article a week or face punishment. At first I was terrified because I believed I could not write anymore and thus I would disappoint him. The idea of letting him down scared me more than writing. Which, I think he was counting on to be honest. Well, whatever his thoughts were they were correct. I swear, he knows me better than I know myself sometimes and I like it that way.

Well, I am exhausted. It was a long drive home and my back is hurting and I'm sleepy. So I'm going to stop here and go to bed.
Night Night!

A Day At The Beach

I went with Master today to the hotel where my in-laws are staying. Its right on the beach. I bought a bathing suit yesterday because I knew Master wanted me to go with him today, since I couldn't go yesterday due to my back. So today I helped pack stuff, gathered up the MM (mini-master, my 9 yr old son) and Master's daughter and went with Master to visit his family. We sat around the hotel room, which was fairly large so we weren't too crowded, and chatted for a while. Then we had McDonald's for lunch and after that we went down to the beach. I wasn't going to, mostly because I am embarressed by my belly, but I knew Master really wanted me to. So I went ahead and put on my bathing suit and spent about an hour or so swimming in the ocean (which is the Gulf Of Mexico) and standing on the beach. The kids had a blast and it was a lot of fun watching them play in the surf. MM tended to spend much of his time playing by himself and that made me feel bad. I had hoped he would get better at socializing thanks to school, but that doesn't seem to have happened. He can play with other kids and enjoy himself, but he also seems to like playing beside other kids, rather than with them.

I really enjoyed swimming in the ocean. The water felt absolutely wonderful! It has been so long sicne I have gone swimming. It is nice to know that I do still enjoy it. The water was a bit choppy, not real bad though. I got to see just how badly I am out of shape by how quickly the waves (which really weren't that big) made me tired. After a while on the becah we went to the hotel pool, which was a lot easier to swim in. Of course, there were no currents or waves LOL I did some diving in the deep end, and I taught my niece how to dive alittle bit, she did quite well. Then I tried to teach the MM how to float, but he wouldn't relax enough to float.

Ok I'm falling asleep. I'll finish this tomorrow.

Company Has Arrived

Master's family is here to visit. I really like them, they are alot of fun to spend time with. So I spent most of the day sitting in the dining room talking with one, two or all three of them. (Depending on who was napping and who wasn't LOL) They drove 16 hours to come visit for a week or so. I knew they were coming from months ago. They come every year, which is very nice. This year I felt slightly different, well more than slightly actually, about their visit. Not that I didn't want to see them or anything like that, but on my duty while they are here. I wanted to make Master proud of me as a hostess. I mean, this is his father, step mother and his sister, they mean a lot to him. As his slave, I wanted him to be proud of me and pleased by how I treat them. It is really easy though because I love them lots too. (grin) I think I did a real good job too. They seemed very happy, which was my goal.

Its going to be busy, confusing, noisy and all that for the next week or so, but its also going to be a lot of fun and I'm looking forward to it.

I can't describe how much better I feel after Master and I played the other night. I really needed it! I am a lot more relaxed and more peaceful. I really miss being able to play on a regular basis and sometimes I just *need* the release of pain play. I have noticed though that I can't take as much physically as I used to. I figure it is because we don't play very often due to privacy issues, so my skin isn't as tough as it was. Not that I had callouses or anything, but I did have a higher tolerance level.

There is a girl coming into LnR every day, she is very new to the lifestyle and thus at the whole fear filled confusion stage and trying to figure out if this is right for her or not. She doesn't even understand why she keeps coming back or what the attraction is for her. I remember that stage, though it wasn't as bad for me as I already knew I liked the kinky sex and that I liked making people happy, so for me much of it was major relief in having words to put to my desires, and finding out that I wasn't crazy because alot of other people had the same (or very similar) desires. But I did have the whole experience when I first entered a gorean chat room and something inside me went YES! even louder than it did when I first entered a bdsm room.

Gorean rooms can be very intimidating. There is so much for a slave to know. Positions, language, serves, food, beverages, silks and all the other stuff. I remember being afraid, confused and everything else because I was trying so hard to make myself conform to someone else's idea of what was the right way to engage in bdsm, even though I already knew inside myself that it wasn't completely right for me. I tried so hard because it was such a major relief to finally have those answers and fit in, I did not want to lose it. But I kept going back to the gor rooms. Out of embaressment and shame, I always said it was because the serves and such called to my creative side, the writer in me. But that was only part of the reason. The other part was because I thrive on the structure, I enjoy the rituals, I needed to be owned. Those were things I couldn't tell anyone, even myself, for the longest time. So many people look down on gor as unrealistic, silly, and all kinds of other equally insulting things. As time went on though, I did admit to myself at least, why I stayed in gor rooms and why I kept returning to them if I did leave for a while. Because being a slave is what I wanted and what I need, it is who I am. I can't say that I fully agree with all the gorean philosophy, but most of it I do agree with.

I can't agree that ALL women should be submissive and ALL men should be dominant, based solely on gender, because human beings are just not that simple. I can agree that for some people this is correct for them, but it isn't correct for all. The other things such as being honorable and such, I agree with whole heartedly. I am a strong individual, with my own opinions and I am not afraid to voice them most of the time. I can be stubborn and annoying (of course). I am a smart ass, and love to crack jokes and engage in verbal banter. These are all things that I had been taught a slave can not be. When I finally looked into it for myself, I found that not only is that not true, but that many slaves are very similar to me. That many dominants who want slaves, prefer slaves who are capable, intelligent, have a good sense of humor and all the rest. Most do not want someone they have to watch all the time or give directions to for every step of every little thing they do. They want someone who can be told "I want you to do these things" and then know that the slave will do the best they can to meet that expectation and handle whatever comes up while doing so in a manner that would be pleasing to their owner. That slaves are not mindless robots who are all alike or are just people who can't handle their own lives at all so prefer someone else to make all their decisions for them. This is just not true. Yes I give Master the power to make all my decisions for me, and he has final say in everything, but that doesn't mean I am relieved from the responsibility of handling my life. In actuality, I am required to not only handle my life, but to do it well enough to please him.

It is kind of nice to finally be able to say to myself that I am a slave, and I like it. :)

Thoughts Continued

Well I was talking earlier about how Master has tightened the leash on me and how my response has been to like it and have an increasing need to serve and to please, and that this surprised me. For a long time I believed that I would never truly feel this way again, at least not with any lasting depth to it. I was wrong. I am very glad that I was wrong too. It means I have healed from things I thought I would not heal from. Not only healed, but gone beyond where I was before. Most likely this is because I know more about myself than I used to know, partly due to all my experiences, good or bad. Everything I have been through and everything I have done, has contributed to the person I am today. Today's experiences will add to that and contribute to who I will be tomorrow or next year. Looking back to myself a year ago, I don't seem like the same person. And I know I am not. The fears I had then, are either completely gone or robbed of their ability to truly frighten me. They no longer prevent me from doing what I want to do, which is good.

I'm writing again, more consistently than I have for years and without fear of reprisal either. I am beginning to enjoy the process of writing again, the way I used to and am excited about it. Sometimes it feels like I'm going to explode because all the ideas I had in the past for articles and essays are still there, but they are not alone anymore. More ideas have been added. Apparently part of my mind contiuned generating ideas whether I was actually writing or not. I find myself with more ideas than time to write them all LOL. ITs okay though, I have plenty of time and I am sure I will be allowed to continue to write. Master could tell me to stop, but I know he won't do that. It is too much a part of me for him to want to get rid of it. Its a part of me that attracted him to me.

Losing things that make one the person they are, is often a fear that many people new to the lifestyle have, specially when discussing or considering slavery. I try to explain that a healthy master / slave relationship does not destroy who the slave, as a person and human being, is, instead it enhance them and many do not understand. The fear of losing one's self is a strong fear, one that is hard to overcome. In the wrong relationship, it is a possibility. Once people here that, they assume it will happen in every relationship simply because of the loss of control a slave has. But it doesn't work that way. In the right relationship, the slave grows and who they are is enhanced, not removed. Yes, some things get changed. For me its been learning better control of my temper and my mouth. Things I have wanted to learn but could not learn entirely on my own. The rest has been minor things like changing how I fold clothes to a way he prefers and likes. Would he change my showing intelligence? not at all. Would he change my comittment to my web site? no. why? because these are things which are important to me. He might ask me to not do them for a day or so, to spend alone time with him. But he would never make me feel guilty or neglectful for doing these things.

Well that's all I can think of and I have to go because a friend has called me.

Thoughts on recent events

Well, most people who know me, know I live in a household with 10 people in it. 2 are my kids, 2 are Master's kids, 2 are kids we picked up, 1 is Master's son's new wife, then master and myself and the nanny ayli. We are up to 6 cats (got two new kittens cuz master and I are softies LOL), 2 rabbits, 2 ferrets and a dog most of us don't really like. So our house is never quiet enough, or lacking people enough for us to play very often. Specially not playing hard because we have to keep the noise down. heck, the kids think we are making love or playing if we are simply giggling or laughing and the door is closed. this can be so very very annoying sometimes. Anyway, last night for the first time in months, ALL the kids (except the youngest) were GONE! YAY!! Luckily, the youngest was asleep so we closed and locked the bedroom door and for the next hour and half, we had a great deal of fun without thinking about noise levels or anything or anyone else. I know I really really needed that. Master said he did too.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about things recently. Mostly because I have noticed some changes in myself and in master that make me think. Master has certainly grown as a dominant and a master over the past year. He more easily accepts the fact that he enjoys being served, without feeling guilty for it. He accepts and enjoys the fact that sometimes he just wants to make me go "ow!" without feeling guilty or feeling as if he is abusing me. He demands more of me on a daily basis than he did before. Not so much in task areas, but in areas of behavior. The biggest being my mouth. I am quite sarcastic and a smart ass. I am real good at one liners and comebacks. Most of the time I am very good at knowing where the line is between funny and too much. But Master has recently moved that line backwards a bit, so I reach "too much" a bit faster than before. The most interesting part of this is my reaction to it. I kind of expected to be upset somehow if or when he tightened the reins on me. I have gotten used to having a lot of freedom, though I didn't really like it. Over the past year, he has pulled back how much freedom I have. So I expected to be upset by it or worried about it. But I'm not either one. Instead I find that I am happier, calmer, more focused and centered within myself. It just feels right.

As a result my desires to please and to serve have simply grown stronger. Sometimes the intensity of them does scare me, but it is not a huge amount of fear. Its just a fleeting fealing that doesn't last more than a few seconds. Woops. Matser wants the computer. I'll try to finish later or tomorrow.

New Tasks

I have a new responsibility, but its one that should be both a lot of fun and a lot of work. Ayli and I are now the leadreship of out local BDSM group! It should be a lot fun. Getting to meet new people, getting out of the house at least one night a month. I'm hoping we will make somre good friends in the grop.

Ok I am falling asleep here So I am going to have to stop here. I'll try to write more tomrrow

What do I do all day

This is a question I get asked a lot. I'm not sure if its because people get trapped by the words master/slave, or total power surrender or what. But it seems to be asked of those who call themselves slaves, more often than those who call themselves submissive. It as if it is more acceptable to be a sub than it is to be a slave. This never ceases to amaze me, though I suppose I should be used to it by now.

Some seem to think that being a slave is no different from being a sub and therefore their duties are clearly spelled out by the dominant and they end there. This is not true, as I am sure it is not true for all submissive either. Part of being a successful submissive or slave is having the desire to please your Master. This means in both the ways he orders you to and in ways that you simply notice he enjoys and then doing those things for him even though he did not ask you to. Many dominant like this initiative taking in their slaves. It shows that the slave truly is interested in pleasing the dominant before themselves. Can this be manipulated and used in a negative manner? Yes it can, but then so can just about anything in any relationship, vanilla or Buddhism.

So my day..Well my daily tasks are as follows:

1. take care of my back
2. straighten out at least one room in the house a day
3. do 3 to 4 loads of laundry (washed dried and put away)
4. balance the checkbook (once or twice a week)
5. pay bills on payday (go over the bills I selected to pay with Master for his approval and make any changes he desires
6. take good care of the children
7. dress in a manner that is pleasing to him *usual means skirts and no panties*
8. write in my journal or blog
9. anything that Master adds and sometimes he does add things

Mostly my day is like most other people who are stay at home moms with 3 teenage daughters and an 8 yr old son. Lots of time is taken up caring for the kids, helping with homework, straightening out and all that stuff. So all of that is included.

For me however, the mental knowledge . No certainty, that everything I do is to please Master often make a difficult day a little easier. I try to remember that I am supposed to be pleasing him, and sometimes this stops me from making the common errors I made in the past like snapping at people for no reason, or getting angry for nothing at yelling at people. Both habits I so badly wanted to break. It seems I finally have. To watch me go about my daily routine you would have no idea that I was owned. The power exchange is subtle and quiet. It can get loud and overt if the situation warrants it, but most of the time it is simply this very quiet knowledge within myself that I belong to Master and that everything I do either must please him or have a really good excuse for not pleasing him.

Some think there is a magic potion, that somehow a bdsm relationship is more exciting, more thrilling day in and day out. The truth of the matter is, it isn't. Sure at first, there is a lot of that excitement that accompanies any newborn relationship. Of course this is intensified by the fact that the play is quite intense. For many, it is their first time playing, so possibly they see their partner as the only one who can ever make them feel this good and poof, love is born. But like any other relationship, that initial infatuation stage will wear off. Many take this to mean the relationship is over, but it isn't. So long as there are solid reasons for being together, those reason can step forward now and provide the basis to continue the relationship. Stuff like, major things in common, mutual agreement on many or most bdsm related issues, common view on religion, sports, etc. The belief that your partner is your best friend and you can turn to them for anything at any time. These are the marks of a true loving committed relationship in my opinion. And you need these basis in the relationship to take over when the infatuation/lust period wears off. I was lucky in that Master and I had a great foundation upon which to base the relationship when the infatuation wore off.

I do the same things everyone else does in real life. I shop, cook, clean, watch kids, and do what my Master tells me to do. If I fail, I confess it and expect punishment. That's abut it for what I do all day.