I have not blogged since Dec. 1.I can't really say why other than I haven't had a whole lot to say. I've been wanting to savor my feelings alone for the last few days, enjoy them privately before placing them out here for others to read. I've been feeling very good for the last week or so. Warm, happy, content, and all that. Those are very nice feelings to have. I am very happy to feel content again. It is truly wonderful to not have so much stress coming from everywhere everytime I turn around. I can relax and play ball with my son. Relax and talk with my daughter. Work on my writing, if I want to. Focus on cleaning the house and keeping it looking the way that makes Ron happiest and most comfortable. It is truly wonderful to be at peace in my life, and in my heart.

The doctor gave me a new medication for my back. It's called Neurontin. It is technically an anti epileptic medication, but it has been proven to be effective on neurological pain such as that caused by nerve damage. I've been taking it since Tuesday afternoon, and it has already made a great improvement in my pain level. The shooting pain down my left leg has dropped dramatically, the tingling, numbness and such have also dropped dramatically. I can wake up and roll over in the morning without crying out in pain, and without dragging my left leg with my hands. I am so happy with these results!! The only problem I have is I must take it with food or it upsets my tummy something feirce. But, I can live with that. I also have to increase my water intake quite a bit to help prevent water retention, and to help my body rid itself of the drug when it should. Most drugs are metabolized in the liver, this particular medication is metabolized in the kidneys, making water a neccessity to it's release from the body. I've been drinking alot of water but so far I don't feel like I am going to float away or anything, which is good too :)

I got up early yesterday and today because I needed the car and in order to get it, I have to drive Ron to work. I do not deal well with 6:00 o'clock in the morning. It took me a good 30 minutes to wake up today. I truly did not want to, but I needed the car. I have to take Sam to her appointment today, and it's too far to walk. Oh well, you do what you have to do. Though I do like the short period of time that I get alone with Ron on the ride to work and the ride home when I pick him up in the afternoon. He told me he likes it too. Ron and I got married on Monday. We are both extremely happy with it. I'm surprised that I got married again, I wonder if that makes me a hopeless romantic, or just a fool. Either way, it doesn't really matter what it makes me other than it makes me Ron's wife, which I truly enjoy being. I have a calm certainty that our relationship is solid enough to go for a long long time. A certainty I have not had before, not in this calm inner way. I do have some fear that I will screw things up, and I know that comes from the false belief I still seem to hold that I fuck everything up. I'm hoping that this fear will continue to fade with time, as it has been doing these past 6 months or so.

That's about it really. Guess I will blog later.