Sam came home a week ago. She is doing alot better now. Prosecution has been dropped and that relieved her alot. Which, in the area of her mind and feelings, I suppose this is a good thing. I feel sad that Dennis won't pay for molesting his daughter because the damage he caused has been so hard to repair. Part of me is angry about this, not at Sam but at the situation that has allowed a child rapist to go free. The laws in Mass really suck. They have a law on the books that allows prosecution without the child testifying if they are mentally incompetent (dead or otherwise incapacitated) and they can't use it because of the constitution of that state. Not the US Constitution but the Mass one. Really goofy that they even managed to pass laws that are basicaly useless to them. It pisses me off. I am trying to let go of it and just focus on giving Sam as much help as I can so that she will finish healing and get on with life but it isn't easy. I am not as angry as I was last week, so this is good.

Ron and I seem to be experiencing a growth spurt in our relationship again. He is taking more control and using it however and whenever he wants to. I am responding by being more submissive and service orientated. We've been discussing a lot of things like tick lists and punishments and communication and control. Tick lists are not for him, and that's good because I didn't really like it anyway. Punishment seems to be something that will probably disappear from the relationship because of a few different reasons, unless of course I really screw up! LOL He has removed any safeword from me and the ability to say no. He says I can say it, I can say anything I want, but he doesn't have to listen to it and can ignore it if he chooses to. Basically I can't tell him no. I can tell him I'm not in the mood and why I'm not in the mood, but he doesn't have to listen to it. I don't say no anyway unless I have a real good reason like having sex or playing would cause alot of pain in my back, not a little, but enough to land me in bed for a day or so. That is (to both of us) a good reason not to play or have sex. He told me that he has been exerting his control because he was too, feels a need to do so to satisfy himself, not to satisfy me. This is good and it is what I was waiting for. Alot of things were depending on my mood and he wouldn't exert his control unless he felt I was in the mood for him to do so. I understand his reasons for doing this and I have to agree with them. I am grateful that he cared enough about my well being to hold back until I had healed some more and was ready to have that control exerted regardless of my current "mood". He did not want to push too hard too fast and end up hurting me somehow. He wanted to make sure I was ready to submit more before pushing me. He knew, better than I did, how messed up I was after those 18 months in the west. I am grateful for his patience and understanding. Apparently the time has come to push me. He is doing it, and I am submitting to him more mentally and emotionally than I had been. This is good. I think it was his understanding of the situation and patience that allowed me to reach this point where I can submit mentally and emotionally as well as physically. I had begun to wonder whether or not I would reach this point again, whether or not I could trust anyone enough to do it again, but it seems I can and that is good :)

Well that's about all I can think of so I'll stop here.