I find myself thinking about the difference between a submissive and a slave. Everyone defines things so differently that it is so often confusing to the new people who are just learning about the lifestyle. People have a desire to describe themselves in as few words as possible, yet in BDSM that is impossible because of the fact that many people take the terms and just change the definitions to fit whatever they want it to. I do not understand the need to do this, though I suppose it could be because they like a particular word, or any other number of reasons. Anyway, a slave is very different from a sub, whether people wish to admit it or not. There is a difference in how a slave thinks, acts, expects and submits. A slave tends to think more along the lines of black and white. There is very little shades of gray. They do not seem to expect much leeway in the reaction of their dominant. By this I mean, if a slave is feeling ill and thus doesn't complete all their usual daily tasks, often they will expect the dominant to react with the usual punishment. A submissive may be more inclined to expect leniency from the dominant because they were ill. A slave thinks in terms of being owned, not submitting. To them, being in a collared relationship means they are owned, and often this translates into the statement that they do not have the "right" "choice" or "option" to walk out if the relaitonship goes bad. Also there is a level of acceptance of the dominant's behavior that seems alot more intense and widespread than many submissives would allow. For example, a dominant wants to bring in a third. A submissive may demand certain criteria be met before they allow ( yes, allow) such to occur, whereas a slave may say "It is not up to me, if this is what Master wants, so be it" and quietly accept this new change. To somet his kind of thought process is considered wrong or somehow brought out by abuse, but this is not neccesarily true. A slave thrives on the fact, absolute fact, that they literally have no control over the rlationship or what will occur within it, whereas a submissive often retains some level of control in the relationship. The thought process focuses solely on what would make the master/mistress happiest and how the slave can be most pleasing to them. Subs tend to think of themselves and their own pleasure in addition to the that of their dominant, slaves work very hard to put themselves second in all the things and their owners first. To them, this is what comes wiht being a slave and submitting completely.

A slave acts differently from a sub as well. If you listen to slaves talk about their behavior, they often speak of being quietly accepting, in control of themselves at all times, formal, and other such things. There seems to be more focus on how the slave behaves at any given moment, with less leeway. In many slave relationships, the slave is required to use an honorific at all times, and couldn't conceive of calling their master/mistress by any other name. Most slaves find yelling, tantrums, fits, or any other out of control behavior on the part of a slave to be reprehensible and deserving of severe punishment. Slaves put alot of emphasis on their behavior and how they react to their dominant. They hold themselves to a high level of self control. They require of themselves to have a pleasing demeanor as much as possible. They see no room for bratting behavior, any form of topping from the bottom, or any other form of manipulating the dominant. They look down on any behavior that is perceived as designed to force the dominant to meet a need of the slave, rather than the slave focusing on the dom's needs. A slave will strive for perfection from themselves in completing all the tasks their master/mistress gives to them, while still keeping an eye out for things that they were not specifically told to do, but think would please their owner if they did them. A slave is required to be very self sufficient and capable because they often have a lot of responsibility placed on them. Slaves often feel that a slave should not need to be micro managed by their dominant because this is not pleasing, unless of course the dominant likes to micro manage.

A slave's expectations from the dominant and the relationship are often very different from those of a submissive. A slave does not expect to have their desires met beyond their basic life supporting neccessities. When their dominant does do something for them, they see it as a gift, not a neccesity. Slaves tend to view things that many submissives expect in a relationship, as a luxury not a neccesity. This does not mean that a slave will accept being abused or treated like they are worthless, it just means they do not expect all the trappings that others expect from their relationships. (such as cuddling on demand, talking whenever the slave wants to talk, sleeping in a bed etc)

A slave submits differently from a submissive as well. Slaves will set no limits on their dominant's activities. They will not say that the dominant can't do a certain type of play or use a specific implement. They may tell the dominant that they do not like certain activities or implements but they do not ban the dominant from using/doing those things. They expect to be asked to do things they may not particularly like and they consider it as part of submission beacuse to them, submission is not about pleasing the slave, but about pleasing the dominant.

well I've lost my train of thought. Oh well..that's the closest I've gotten to this article in the last year. Maybe some day I will actually be able to finish it. Wouldn't that be nice.

Today was a good day overall. I did alot of housework, which is probably why my back is singing ava maria. But I feel like I accomplished something, so that is good. I played with Kyle for a while, and he really liked that. I did some research into what Nathan asked for for his birthday, and found the places where the stuff can be bought. I talked with the girls. Ate dinner, and got all the laundry done. Balanced the check book and did some cross stitch. Same old thing as yesterday I suppose. I didn't sleep well again last night, my back woke me up around 3 AM or so. Of course, Ron was awake and well we did the rabbitt thing again. I wonder if that is what is making my back hurt so much lately, all that sex? Who knows and I don't care if it is, I'm not giving it up. I enjoy it too much. I gues ROn is right and I am a slut, but he likes me that way so that's good.