Well tonight was not a real good night overall. Ron's ex went home from the hospital today and the kids went to visit her. Of course the 3 yr old went too, which was good I know he was missing his mom. Anyway, the kids all came here for the night. We ordered pizza which made all the kids happy. Then Ron left to do an inspection at work. While he was out he called his ex's house to see if she needed milk or anything, she said yes, he bought it and dropped it off over there. Thus ensued a conversation about custody of Rachel. Ron had informed the ex that he was taking custody of Rachel back because he no longer considered the ex's house safe for the child due to drinking and drinking while driving. I agreed with this decision for those reasons and the whole emotional manipulation crap the ex puts the kids through. Personally I find it completely deplorable. The ex brought the subject up in front of her mom and her sister who were there to help her, most likely figuring they would back her up or somehow intimidate Ron into backing down. Ron did not and repeated the drinking/driving reasons for taking custody back. (which is a simple matter since legally Ron is the custodial parent of both his kids and the custody arrangement was temporary pending the child's safety with her mom) The ex's wife and mom looked quite uncomfortable at this reason since they had no idea that the ex had been drinking while in the accident that broke her legs, though alcohol was not a factor in the accident and the ex was not cited for drunk driving though her car was impounded. Anyway, Ron then left and returned home. He walked in to find my trying to find out why my son had bit the ex's son. I spanked my son for biting and made him apologize. I knew however that my son had to have been pushed into biting because he just does not randomly bite for no reason anymore and has not done so in at least 4 months. Turns out the ex's son had punched my son in the back. Having misread the time (vcr clock said 8:30 and it is an hour off) I ordered that both kids could go to bed. I was tired of the whining, they both seemed very tired and were whiney and cranky. I figured a half hour extra sleep wouldn't hurt either one of them. Just as the phone range and it was the ex demanding that Ron return her son to her and citing that Rachel told her I hated her guts (which I do as a matter of fact, though the hate is a fairly recent thing that came about because of the drinking and driving thing, I have no tolerance for such irresponsibility at all) and that I yell all the time and stuff like that. Basically making me feel that she felt/said (through implication) her son would not be safe with me. I however, did not know if these were new "stories" being told my Rachel, or just a repeating of old stories Rachel told the ex months ago. Either way, I became extremely hurt and frustrated by this shit. I felt that we had bent over backwards for this lady, in more ways than one. We've accomodated her constantly changing work schedule, allowed extra visits with the kids, allowed the temp custody arrangement (thus her chance to prove herself a fit and safe parent, which she failed to do), and more. Ron is always trying to help her out. Yet this woman is never fucking satisfied. personally I think she is very pissed that Ron got involved with another woman and is trying to cause trouble in the relationship. I remember him telling me a couple times that she asked to come back to him, and once he even considered it for the sake of the kids. But he ended up telling her no. From this I feel that she wants him back, and is pissed that she didn't get it. Anyway, I felt very frustrated and very angry. Rather than be grateful that she had people willing to help her during her recovery (which will be at least 2 months in a wheelchair, crutches after that and probably physical therapy) so she doesn't lose her son to the state, she insults the people caring for her son and helping her out. Biting the hand that feeds her. Same shit from her, different day I suppose. It feels to me like every three weeks there are accusations against me that are being attributed to Rachel's mouth. I really don't know if she tells new stories, or if the ex just throws an old complaint at me, but it still hurts. I try very hard to get along with his kids, and be their friend. It is not easy because there are times when, as the adult, I feel it neccesary to discipline/correct them for something and I don't feel safe doing so because I never know how this story will get interpreted by their Mom or how it will get re-told to her. It makes me very afraid to do anything with his kids, even be friendly. But if I don't make overtures to be friendly, I get accused of ignoring them and favoring my own kids. I want so desperately to just tell this woman to fuck off, but I don't. Because, like Ron, I know she will hurt her kids if I do. She tells the kdis things that are total fabrications, in the attempt to make them dislike their father, or to gain their sympathy. Things like "Your dad took you from me for no good reason" which is not true. It's a very difficult situation for the kids and for Ron. Ron has done a great deal over the past 6 years to help his ex, in the interest of keeping the peace so the kids don't get "hurt", but his ex does not return any of this and the kids have come to expect this as the proper treatment from their dad to their Mom. Some of this helped Rachel keep alive the hope that her mom and dad would get back together, to the extent that the divorce still hurts as much now as it did when it first happened. This made for a hellacious mess when Ron and I announced we were going to get married. I don't know what to say or do with his kids anymore, and I am very afraid to do anything. It really angers me that their mother treats them this way. I could name alot of examples and I've only been here a short while, I'm sure there are alot more situations that I am not aware of because I was not physically here. Sometimes I want to just run away rather than fight this woman because it is not a fight I can win. In her Kid's eyes I automatically lose because I am not her, and if I argue with her it will be me who is wrong no matter who or what starts it. It is extremely hard being the step mom in this situation, and the kids don't exactly help. Ron says we will talk with Rachel tomorrow to find out if the stuff her mom is still saying is from recent stories or old accusations that I have already adressed. I do not yell anywhere near as much as I used to. In fact, I've only raised my voice twice this week. and not once was it directed at her. Once was to be heard over a screaming 3 yr old..the other at my daughter for going off the deep end over something that didn't really matter that much.

I try very hard not to get frustrated, but I can't help it sometimes. I just want to slap this woman. She has made it blatantly obvious since I got here that she does not like me, resents my prescence in her kids' life and all that. She has not been nice to me at all, and even went so far as to complain to her kids that i ignore her when she comes in the house. Which I wasn't doing. I would say hello, she never asnwered me, so I stayed away from her figuring that is what she wanted. She tells Ron tonight that she gets upset because this used to be her house and it is hard for her to see someone else (another woman, me) living in it as "their" house. I really believe that the ex wants Ron back, maybe not for who he is, but to be closer to her kids, I don't know for sure why, but I do believe I am right. I just which she would stop hurting her kids and making their lives so much more difficult than they have to be. Maybe I should slap the bitch.

Oh well. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. It will certainly be queiter without the 3 yr old here.