The last couple of days have been better. We don't have the 3 yr old anymore which is actually a major relief to me. I like the kid, but boy does it ever increase the stress level to have two children under 5 in the same house! I was extremely offended by Rose's insistence that the boy be brought home to her beacuse she felt I would take my dislike of her out on the boy. I am not that shallow or cruel. But she can think what she wants. honestly, I think she is just trying to hurt Ron if she can. Apparently she gets into these cycles where she starts to feel guilty for everything she did in her marriage with Ron and apologizes to him. This apology is usually followed by some sort of blow up, within a week, that ends with her not speaking to Ron. So Ron's guess is that this shit with the 3 yr old is Rose's blow up since she apologized for everything she did wrong to him on New Year's Eve. I guess it is going to take me a while to get used to her cycles. Personally I just don't understand this woman, probably because I can't be that mean or manipulative, especially not to my kids.

Ron and I have done the rabbitt thing the last week. The space that had come between us while I was away is gone again, and we are once again talking easily, cuddling, flirting and all that. Back to normal, and it feels good. I had started to get very worried, but thankfully the space went away. Ron did explain how he was feeling that was causing him to be just a bit distant from me. I do understand those feelings, and have had similar feelings myself. But understanding it did not erase the nervousness that the space caused me to feel. Ron, of course, understood my nervousness. It is really a major relief to be in a relationship with someone who understands things as much as he does. Someone that does not accuse me of being irrational or stupid or any other number of things because my thoughts/knowledge does not always match my emotions. Ron knows that one can know mentally how something is, yet still feel differently anyway. He understands and accepts that emotions are not always logical and that they do not respond to logic sometimes. It's really nice to be in a relationship with someone who pushes me to be my best, while loving for me who I am anyway.

The kids are doing well and I for one feel alot better with Rachel here. She seems alot more relaxed here than she did when she was staying with her mom. I've found that I have gotten very protective of her adn that I love her very much. Her and I are growing closer. We talk alot and she tells me alot of stuff. I'm glad. :))

Somoene on icq today insisted on me sending them bondage pics of myself, which I told him I don't have any. He refused to believe me and started talking about how hard he was and stuff like that. I placed him on ignore so he went to the web site and sent me an email through the feedback form, telling me he wants the story of my first year as a submissive/slave. I did not respond. I get very uncomfortable with people like that. Why be so pushy? If someone says "no" why isn't that good enough anymore? I guess I just don't get it. I get online to talk to my friends and be friendly, not to cybersex people. Hell, I get jumped enough in real life that I don't need, desire or want cyber sex. It seems pointless to me somehow, real life is so much better. Though the request did get me to thinking about how my life has gone since I accepted Ron's collar. It has gone very well. Ron is not too strict with me, nor extremely lax. he lets me be myself including my sense of humor and brattiness. He enjoys both of those especially since they closely match his own and he loves sarcasm and verbal banter. He does not demand that I hide my intelligence, nor is he threatened by it. He does place rules on me, that I am expected to follow, within reason. He allows for some fluctuation due to my back, or the kids, but he does not allow me to just ignore those rules or blow off the tasks he sets for me. There are some rules that are not at all flexible and I know that. I know how far I can go and if I go further then I get in trouble. But I manage to keep to those limits fairly easily.

Today was a fairly quiet day. I did some laundry, cleaned the bedroom, paid the bills and tried to rest my back. I did not sleep well last night and was woken 3 or 4 times because my back was hurting and I had muscle spasms. So my pain level was fairly high today. I did alot of cross stitching today, and am hoping to get those ornaments finished within a couple of weeks. the designs are rather simple, and thus they are a bit boring so it is not as pleasant to stitch for long periods of time. The more complicated designs drive me nuts as well, but at least they are interesting to stitch. My friend Shelly told me that I stitch better than she does because the back of my projects are almost as neat as the fronts. Which is the way they are supposed to be. I can't say how hers look because I have only seen one of her projects and taht was years ago so I no longer remember what it looked like very clearly. I don't recall the back being real messy or anything. well that's about all I can think of tonight.