I can't sleep. My back is killing me from snapping the joint when I jumped off the porch chasing the escape artist I have for a son. And my mind won't stop turning in circles. So I figured I'd come and type some thoughts out, see if I can't get it to stop so I can fall asleep.

I've been thinking about how people interact with each other. arella and I have talked a few times in the past few days about how people can compliment each other. Like one person tends to be rather calm behavior wise, even when they are very angry, and others tend to react out of their emotions more often. This went on to include how people's talents can often compliment each other as well. Like one cooks certain foods better than the other one, so between the two they can cook a wide variety of very tasty meals. This caused me to think about how often people take for granted the way they mesh or don't mesh with others around them. Two people who get along, and compliment each other in many ways thus two peices that make a whole, will often overlook this fact. Take it for granted, and not realize the importance of acknowleding this interaction to each other. How easy it is to fall into the rut of "they'll always be there" and thus they don't need to be told how important they are to you, how you enjoy their company and how you appreciate the things that they do. It's just taken as a matter of course. no big deal. But I think to some extent it is a big deal, everyone likes to hear they are appreciated and their loved ones do notice the things that they do for them. I don't mean constantly shower someone with praise or convoluted compliments, but once in a while saying "I love the way you listen to me when I really need to talk" or "I love the way you talk to me when you need someone to talk to" or whatever the case may be. I know that I like hearing once in a while, that my actions are noticed and appreciated.

This of course, wandered into BDSM territory. Got me to thinking about how a dominant and a submissive personality are complimentary to each other, even though they are opposite of one another. How each one can exist without the other, but can't "live" without the other. One can be a dominant or a submissive by themselves, but they can't be dominating or submitting without the other half. The ying and the yang so to speak. A submissive gives of themselves, the dominant takes and uses what the sub gives, thus making the sub give more, and round and round it goes. A truly complimentary relationship, a blending of personalities that affects the people on so many different levels. For one to enter complete submission, they must have a dominant to submit to.

But then I started thinking about those who engage in play partner relationships only. They still have the ying and the yang, the give and take, but it's more localized and only in one area (as far as BDSM goes), that of physical sensation. It isn't domination and submission on the mental level. The giving over of one's will to another. It is just the physical submitting of one's body for pain play. Sure that pain play gives each person their own thrills that can't get without the other half (a top and bottom or a sadist and a masochist). Again, one can be any of those things by themselves, but still requires their other half to get the thrills/sensations/whatever out of the interaction. I wonder then do those who are in play only relationships have to mesh on any levels outside of play? I mean, do they have to be compatible or compliment each other in areas of intelligence, cooking, child rearing, religion, morality, and or whatever? Are those levels of complimentary interaction neccessary to that kind of relationship? are those levels of interaction neccessary for any relationship at all? Very intersting thoughts. I like to think that even the people who are involved in BDSM solely for play sessions, not a 24/7 relationship, find partners to play with who they can also get along with very well outside of the scene. But that could be my rose colored glasses again. I know that some people are perfectly capable of having sexual one night stands, and there are those who are capable of having the bdsm one night stand/session. But I would think if there was something, even just a friendship, outside of the sessions, the relationship would be more fulfilling on a whole.

Then I got to really thinking of the give and take in a power exchange relationship. Some like to describe it as all one sided. the sub gives, the dom takes and that's it. But it isn't really. the sub gives, the dom takes and uses what the sub gives. By using the control the sub has given him, the dom is returning something to the submissive. Domination. this return of domination (usage) thus inspires the submissive to give more. this continues until eventually the submissive is giving everything they can, and the dominant is using that control in every way they can. This affects how they feel about one another, how they interact outside of a scene, how they think, how they communicate and everything else. That d/s undertone is then present in everything they do with one another, whether it is blatantly obvious or not, it is there. Each knows who is what in the relationship, and each knows what their "role" then is. And this give and take can reach a point where it is done instinctively and no longer requries a deep amount of thought. Does this then remove the need for intimacy outside of sex and play? I don't think so, but it seems that sometimes the intimacy gets lost. I think that might have something to do with the "taking things for granted" part of long term relationships. So then, should people try to be more appreciative and verbal of those gives and takes? Or is it best to just assume that each one will always give and take what they have always done until now? Is such a return neccessary from a dominant? Personally, I think so. Giving such a return is not demeaning, nor does it lessen one's domination. I think it solidifies it more beacuse if the submissive feels appreciated they will try even harder to please the dom. This doesn't mean the dom has to gush all over the sub. But a few little words every now and then can go a long way towards keeping that give and take alive and growing, instead of leaving it to be stale.
well I'm starting to repeat myself and my mind finally calmed down. so I'm going to stop for the night.