It's always intersting to me how debating things with other people often causes me to write new articles. I think it happens partly because I get forced to look at something from a different point of view, and doing so makes the particular subject appear differently. Thus, new articles are born.

Today is a rather painful day for me. My back is letting me know just how unhappy it is with me for the walk yesterday. We walked to the grocery store (about a mile) with the 4 yr old to buy milk and stuff. When I woke up this morning, I almost cried out beacuse of how much my lower back and left leg were hurting. When I limbered up, the pain dropped a little, but it's still pretty high. I do not regret taking the walk, and I realize some of the pain is caused by my muscles not being very strong anymore. So I will probably walk again tomorrow, just not as far. I probably shouldn't do it today because I'm already hurting alot and master has rules about me pushing myself too much. And I'm pretty sure he would consider my walking today as pushing it. I do not wish to be punished so I won't push it.

Kyle, the 4 yr old, seems to be in a decent mood today. A bit whiny, but nothing major. For the most part he is listening to me and arella quite well. I think what might have been bothering him is that the house guests left. He doesn't handle things well when someone he has gotten used to, goes out and doesn't come back. He gets very hyper, cranky, and stuff when his routine that he is so used to, changes some how. His sister is the same way (his dad's daughter by his first wife). With the fact that he is calming down now, I think that this is why he was acting out a bit. The major clues came from his reaction to master leaving for work, the older kids going to school, and if Jeff went to work or the store. kyle would cry and act like they were never coming back, and even try to follow them by running out of the house. It took me a few days to see this, so I guess I'm not as observant as I like to think that I am. But, that's ok, at least it came to me at some point.

this morning, I downloaded my email to find that someone had done something that completely and totally pissed me off, plus hurt my feelings. One of my private emails to someone showed up on a public mailing list. Which is against that list's rules. But not only that, it had nothing to do with the current happenings on that list, and thus had no bearing on them. I was so angry by this. And this person had the nerve to accuse me of harassing them. When I don't think I did. I responded,on the list, from an area in myself that I do not like communicating from, the angry area. But I could not help it. I felt that I should be able to not only defend myself on the list since the accusation was placed on the list, but also let it be known exactly what occured in those private emails. The response thus far has been supportive, but I'm pretty sure I will get a few flames for it. No problem, I think I can handle it.

I know I probably shouldn't get this upset over the emails that I've gotten in the past couple of days, but I can't really help it. Though, I have gotten better, my upset no longer lasts for hours or days, it lasts for a short time and then it's gone. The anger goes away. So far, the longest I've stayed pissed in this whole argument thing is 2 hours, whereas 2 years ago such an occurance would piss me off for days. So I guess I have managed to put some space between myself and the people on line. However, there are still many people online who I do not put that space in the friendship I have with them. But those are people that I have known for a while and that I have come to like, and not just because they're into BDSM but because from what I've seen of them as people, I consider them to be good people.

Ahh well..I really should get offline for a while. Later:
things to smile about: sunshine, colorful butterfiles, bumble bees drinking at tiny purple flowers, a gentle breeze, life itself