Making love. I just read a rather interesting way of looking at this concept. For many people those two words, spoken together, mean having sex. Here is the passage I read. It comes from a book by Robert Fulgham called "Maybe, Maybe Not", on page 172 of the hardcover edition.

What is this making love?" I explained that it was a popular euphamism for having sex - going to bed, getting laid- whether married or not. He replied that for Cretans, "making love" is a serious notion summarizing the process of marriage and family. When two families agree that a son and a daughter would suit one another, it is expected that over time the man and woman will work at becoming compatible partners in the same spirit one might work at acheiving competence in a life's vocation. This is making love"

When I finished this small chapter, I closed the book and sat back with my eyes closed. Just allowing my mind to drift a little, considering this idea of making love. People define love very differently. How a person is raised, the culture they grow up in, differnet experiences they are exposed to all affect their definition and view of love. We have managed to pick apart love. Fitting words to explain the different ways in which human beings love one another. There is the love between friends, that usually means a close bond is formed, secrets are almost non existent, and silence between these friends is almost never uncomfortable. A friend's mistakes are more easily forgiven, and their faults readily accepted. This is unconditional, non romantic love. Friends love one another, but they are not "in love". Lovers however, are in love. This situation is often described as warm fuzzies (those tingling warm sensations around the heart) sweet nothings, staring deep into one another's eyes and getting lost, all kinds of other romantic notions based on a myriad of emotions that our lover is the catalyst for. Is this really making love? The sharing of these warm emotions, from one to another? Or is there more to making love?

Everyone agrees that a relationship takes time, effort, and communication. All relationships have thier ups and downs. Each experience bringing with it an opportunity to grow closer, and an opportunity to grow apart. Which way the experience results in seems to be determined by how the people deal with the experience. By the definition of making love above, people make love every day. Every conversation, argument, small disagreement, agreement, or interaction with a loved one is part and parcel of making love. All these small day to day things, which we all do numerous times, are what make or break our relationships. These are the things that will make a relationship last for a lifetime, or destroy the relationship leaving nothing but bitterness. So why then, must we push so often to be romanced? wined and dined? Are these acts so important? Or are the few stolen moments from daily life's busy work to hug one another what really matters? Are the nights out more important than that gentle kiss when you need one so bad what counts? I think that it is a bit of both. The romance is a nice way to show our innermost love feelings for our loved ones, to take the time out of our busy lives and spend them with the one we love the most. Focusing on being with one another. However, the bond of love needs more than these fleeting dates. those stolen private moments, those discussions where you can bare your fears, hopes, dreams, successes and failures and receive support and love for them. those moments where a complicated situation arises and by working together, it is not just overcome or lived through, but triumphed over because the gain is more than figuring out the situation, it is figuring out how to compromise with one another, how to work together side by side to get a job done. those moments where partners realize that the other does a certain thing better than they do, and thus give up their need to control that chore, is what brings about the lasting love that is the mainstay to a long and happy relationship. Love is not in candy, flowers or gifts. It is not in money, movies, or things. Love is those million and one little things that we do for one another every single day of our lives together. With each new day, people have either made love or sabotaged it. Love is not the hot steamy sex human beings engage in just for fun. Love is work, very hard work. There are days where those warm fuzzy feelings just are not there, but this does not mean the love is gone. People must come to expect that the wonderful intense sparks that flew upon a first meeting between people who are chemically compatible, will fade over time, so if you want the relationship to last, there better be more substance to it than just really good sex. Love is accepting your partner for the person they are, this includes their strong points and their weak ones. Love is compassion, understanding your partner's ways of doing things. Even arguments can be seen as making love when looked at from the viewpoint of trying to hammer out a working arrangement for whatever is causing the argument. I think love is both the spark, warm fuzzies, and the work that goes in to keeping love alive.

I like reading the books by Mr. Fulgham. They present every day situations in different points of view. Always giving me lots of things to think about. Sometimes I find his books to be so soothing to me, yet energizing. They often help me to see that the things which bother me so much at times, are really just minor inconveniences not major problems. That there can be good things in the worst of situations. And that every situation has more than one side to it. Often, his books contain alot of stories that make me laugh, yet remind me of things I take for granted, or overlooked. And teaching me things I hadn't thought of for more than a passing second or two, like this "making love" thing, and the rituals thing the other night. I often read his books more than once, usually when I'm feeling a bit "lost" inside and need to refocus myself. Then, they're like a drug, I have to re-read all the ones I have. And they never fail to put me in a more philosophical frame of mind. I like that :)

Today was a good day overall. Kyle wasn't too cranky. Though he refused to take his halloween costume off. He went as a soldier and spent the day saluting people and marching around off and on. It was cute. His imagination has grown by leaps and bounds over the past 4 months. He now pretends to be a cat, a dog, a frog, and today a baby. I am glad to see him engaging in more imaginative play rather than turning to tv and video games to provide his entertainment. I know this phase probably wont' last very long in this technological society we are living in now, but I am going to try and enjoy it to the fullest while it lasts. Children grow way too fast as it is. I just have to look at my 12 yr old daughter to know the truth of that. to me, she was just born yesterday, but she is now 12 years old. Sometimes I find myself looking at her and being totally shocked by how tall she is, how grown she looks and how much time actually has passed. Life gets so busy once you have children, it is so easy to get caught up in the day to day busy work, that you miss the growing up your child does. Every now and then, it's good to get those glimpses of the big picture. For me, they help to slow me down a bit so I don't miss everything. Sort of a bitter sweet experience.

Master had a rough day at work today. When he came home, he looked so darn tired. I wanted so badly to make him feel better. I did not get the feeling that he wished to be alone so when he sat down, I started rubbing his neck. He smiled, relaxed and moaned softly. This told me he liked what I was doing so I repositioned myself behind him and rubbed his back for him. He seemed alot more relaxed after that. I also cuddled him for a little while. He explained his day to me, and I have to agree he had the day from hell today. I am so glad that he opens up to me like that, and talks about what made his day so difficult. Rather than coming home and snapping at me, or picking a fight with me to burn off his excess energy. I was a little afraid that he might do that, but I reminded myself that he is not the same man who did those things. That reminder helped me to keep my perception from going to far into left feild. While we were laying in bad doing the talking and cuddling thing we try to do every night, he told me that before I moved in a day like the one he had today would have put him in a funk for at least a couple of days. He said that because I am here, I make him happy and when he comes home to me, it helps him to release the stresses and pressure of the day, and thus, he didn't fall into a funk. Hearing that made me feel very good. I like knowing that just my presence makes him happy and provides him with something he needs. But I don't think I'll ever get to a point where I rely on just my being here to make him relax after a hard day. I really enjoyed rubbing his back and holding him while we talked a bit. I guess that by doing these things together, we are making love work. I like that :)

My intention of following the rules he sets down for me more closely, has stayed strong. I continue to follow his rules, even pausing before moving anything heavy, trying to figure out how much it weighs so I don't go over the weight limit for my back. Something that I didn't think I would ever be able to do. I have also found myself pausing before I speak out loud, especially to the kids, so that I do not snap for no reason, or immediately defend myself against my daughter. I am very proud of myself for that, and I hope that with the passage of more time, these things will continue to improve. I am not perfect at them, but I am better than I was. I can see the improvements that I've made in those areas, which master had pointed out to me. I must say that I also really like not having to take a punishment because I haven't done anything to deserve one. That feels real nice. :)

Someone asked me in an email today what my regular days are like as a 24/7 submissive. Honestly, my days are not much different than any other stay at home mother. I wake up in the morning, though I usually don't get up real early partly because of my back, and I'm not sure what else factors into that, if anything at all. I then eat something, take my meds and have a cup of coffee, while i wait for my brain to wake up enough that I am not acting cranky. (some days nothing I do seems to prevent the cranky snapping first thing upon waking up). I will usually do some housework of one sort or another. Though there is one job that is mainly mine (though arella and master do it as well) and that is folding laundry. I try real hard to keep up with the clean clothes and get them folded so we don't have mount clothing in the laundry room. There are the numerous trips to the kitchen for drinks and food for the 4 yr old child. I spend some time online after I first wake up answering emails and chatting on IRC. Then I get offline and do whatever housework my back will allow me to do. I also spend some time every day playing with my 4 yr old, tickling games and light wrestling matches. Twice a month I sit down and pay the bills. Then the older kids come home from school and the standard questions of how was your day, do you have homework and such are asked. Then there are the usual discussions with my daughter about her day. She tells me alot of things about how she feels and such. These discussions are getting easier as we remove the tension between us. Then comes dinner, which most of the time arella cooks. I have taken to serving master his dinner for him, sort of a small service for him. He likes it too. During dinner comes the multitude of times we have to tell the 4 yr old to actually eat. Then comes the mini mystery of who's turn it is to do dishes. Usually after dinner comes some quiet family time. Goofing off, lauhging, talking, cuddling and stuff. around 8PM usually, I get online for a couple hours in the evening. Around 10 or 11 PM on weekdays, I get offline and sit in bed with master. often arella joins us, and the three of us talk about all kinds of things. Those are basically the things I do on any given day. As for the d/s, I am required to wear a bracelet at all times, and I only rarely take it off. I have two necklaces/collars that I can also wear, but sometimes I have to go a couple days without wearing them as the skin on my neck gets itchy if I wear a necklace too often. I have a dress code so to speak. There are times where master calls from work and gives me a short list of things he wants me to do that day. So basically, it's a pretty typical day for me. But I always know who is in charge, and if a major decision needs made I defer to master.

well I think I'll stop for a while, I just ramble on for ages in this thing.