COMMUNICATION

Communication is something that affects every single relationship a person can have. Business relationships, acquaintences, close friends, lovers, children, almost everything. How we talk with one another, and how we listen to one other is what makes up communication. So why is it that something so important is dismissed as no big deal? People have focused for quite a while on learning to talk to one another. Be more open. Express yourself. Talk about what you feel and what you think. Bloggers are a place to do that in. A place to communicate your thoughts and feelings to someone else. Maybe to perfect strangers or maybe to your friends, or maybe just to get your thoughts out of your mind. Everyone is rushing to talk about everything. The emphasis is on talking. Why bother talking if no one is listening? I mean, we all sit around and agree that talking about things is good. Though there is such a thing as over talking something, but that's not my point right now. In general everyone agrees that talking is a good thing to do. Talk out your problems, find solutions. You can't find solutions without talking to identify the problem in the first place. It seems to me that the other side of this coin is getting lost in the shuffle. It is not as often that you will hear someone say "Listen carefully to what someone else is talking about' unless it is in response to a complaint that someone doesn't feel heard. Communication is a two way street. One must talk, and one must listen. And I don't mean the half way listening that so many people do so well. Hear just enough to assume what the other person is going to say, and then break in and respond to your assumed conclusion because half the time the assumed conclusion is probably incorrect. So why isn't more emphasis placed on truly listening to someone else. Actually hearing and processing what you've heard, before you respond to it? I wonder if this is a side effect of the rush rush soceity in which we live. Everyone is rushing to do things, get them done faster, quicker, hurry hurry hurry. People don't take the time to relax and just sit and listen anymore. And it's not just listening to what other's are saying either. people don't sit and listen to the wind, or the sound that rain drops make when they hit something. Or the sound of leaves crunching when you walk on them in the fall. Or the sound of leaves rustling in the wind when they're still on the tree. The sounds of crickets, birds, and insects. There are so many things taht people miss out on by not listening. We don't listen to each other, and we don't listen to the world around us. Sure there are some great listeners out there, and there are some people who do stop to smell the roses once in a while, or just listen to the world around them. But in general this is not something people do regularly anymore. When it comes to inerpersonal relationships, listening and understanding what you are hearing is truly one of the best ways to make that relationship a close satisfying one for everyone involved. It is so easy to break into someone else's sentence, and correct them, or give your opinion of what you think they are going to say. This can so easily create arguments and resentment for not being heard.

I remember reading about communication in the book Men are from mars, women are from venus a few years ago. And it talked alot about learning to be an effective listener. I've read books about "Don't sweat the small stuff" and it too contained information on being a better listener. So why isn't more emphasis placed on learning to effectively listen to someone else? In BDSM we talk about how important open honest communication is to the relationships within bdsm. We talk about being able to discuss anything wihtout fear of retributioon, yet often when a relationship fails, one of the problems that caused it to fail is usualy communication. It wasn't good enough, open enough or non existent. I think when we discuss communication we should include just how important truly listening is to effective communication. Communication is difficult under the best of circumstances. It is sometimes so hard to find the right words to convey what you are meaning or what you are thinking. And in this day and age people jump to conclusions nine times faster. Partly because they aren't listening correctly. Sure, they're hearing the words, but they aren't processing them to get their full meaning. Instead, like everything else now adays, people rush listening up. A person can talk until they are blue in the face, but if they don't feel truly heard and understood, then the door to resolution of a conflict will remain closed because their hurt,anger, upset, or whatever will remain in the way.

Not listening effectively is something everyone does from time to time, even the best communicators in the world. This was brought home to me today when I had a discussion with ayli and realized that I had stopped truly listening to what she was saying. I was still hearing the words, but not processing what they meant. Thus, no real progress was made in the discussion and this leads to arguments and fights. However, if I had truly listened to what she was saying, and processed it before responding the argument would most likely have been avoidable. Another reminder that I can't let up on reminding myself to really listen to someone else. It is so easy to get caught up in life and forget to really listen. This whole thing just made me start thinking about communicating and how we talk to one another. The talking is getting better, but the listening still needs work.