I spoke with a friend of mine who is a doctor about the new symptoms for my back. They told me to have the disk taken out. Whoopee. Just what i wanted. Well, It isn't something I didn't already know so that's ok I guess. I knew eventually this would have to be done, but I had hoped it wouldn't be needed so quickly. Now I wonder how much damage I did working 12 hour days, and spending so much time on my feet and carrying heavy things? I'm not sure I want to know the answer to that.

Things here are going well. I've been struggling a bit with feeling submissive, but I think it is being affected by PMS. I think I've started PMS already, I hate PMS with a passion. About the only way I have found to effectively control my mouth is to not talk. Which makes everyone think I'm pissed, even when I'm not. But it is better than snapping at everyone then feeling guilty as sin for doing it. Maybe one of these days I will learn a better way of dealing with PMS. PMS always makes me see things from the wrong perspective, and make mountains out of molehills. I wonder if menopause is going to be as bad, if not worse than PMS? I guess I'll find out eventually.

My mother sent me an email basically being pissed at me for not sending get well soon cards to her and my dad who both had surgery in the last couple of weeks. Well duh mom! because no one told me when the surgeries were going to be, despite promising me they would. How am I supposed to send cards when I have no clue of when the surgeries are taking place, and what the surgeries are for? It's so reminiscent of my being yelled at for not visitng my grandmother in the hospital when she was dying, no one told me she was sick. I had no clue she was in the hospital, yet somehow I was expected to know this? It really burns me up. And here I thought I was no longer effected by this kind of crap. I'm not pyshichc. But, it still hurt to have my mother get so upset with me for this.

I've been feeling rather guilty too since it seems I'm not marking as much as I used to. I don't know why. My diet hasn't really changed, and as far as I can tell, neither has the way we play. Oh well, I guess it's not a big deal and I'm probably just making a mountain out of a molehill. Time to set up another blog on the LnR site. Later!